Thursday, May 15, 2008

FSU Joke of the day


What did the UF graduate say to the FSU graduate?

May the defendant please rise.

Perrilloux no longer an ass. Now a 'Cock

Ryan Perrilloux has announced that he will be transferring to Jacksonville State, the Fighting Gamecocks of Alabama!

Perrilloux was finally dismissed from LSU after several chances provided by Mr. Miles. (By the way, how does Miles come out looking like a disciplinarian after giving Perrilloux 2323232 chances, while Urban is vilified for giving Hornsby one extra chance?)

After a hard fought recruiting battle between powerhouses Jacksonville St. and Alabama St., Perrilloux went with the Gamecocks, finally putting an end to the biggest recruiting battle the state of Alabama has ever been privileged to witness.

I'm personally more anxious to see how Bobby Reid will do at Texas Southern this season. Reid was the subject of the now infamous Mike Gundy, I'm a man, I'm 40! speech.

Anyway, Jacksonville St. head coach Jack Crowe hopes Perrilloux will learn the system quickly and step right in as the starter. This should be easy because, ironically enough, JSU's starter from last year, Cedric Johnson, was kicked off the team for violating team rules.

I'm sure Perrilloux will have no trouble fitting right in.

Urban Meyer needs to know how gangsta is gangsta!

While giving a speech to a local Miami Gator Club, Urban Meyer began to vent a little bit.

Meyer has come under recent criticism for the perceived lack of discipline on the football team. This stems from the recent arrest of safety Jamar Hornsby and shooting of Matt Patchan. What most of the critics of the program fail to realize is that Hornsby was kicked off the team almost immediately following his transgressions, while Patchan was merely an innocent bystander in a Tampa park.

If you really follow the UF program you would know that Meyer is a serious upgrade from the Zooker in terms of disciplinarian. While Zook was quick to take on entire fraternities, his football team was running wild through the streets of Gainesville doing pretty much whatever they felt like. Urban's bunch have been more disciplined and better in the classroom. This UF team has the highest GPA in the history of Gator football. I know that's kind of like saying you're the tallest midget in your class, but hey it's something. In fact, over 58 players on this year;s squad have a GPA above 3.0.

It now seems that Urban Meyer is blaming the issues facing not only the UF program, but also other programs like, Penn St. Minnesota, Florida State, LSU & Mississippi St. among others on the strict restrictions that the NCAA imposes on the coaches and their staff.

The NCAA severely restricts the amount of communicae that coaches can have with potential recruits. Due to the lack of texting and one-on-one visits the coaches now are recruiting players that they know very little about. As Meyer noted in his speech, it's hard to evaluate someone's character with the minimal contact that is allowed by the NCAA. Coaches are now in a state of constant re-evaluation in regards to their own players.

Perhaps the NCAA could loosen up the restrictions just a tad. Maybe then we would have less Hornsbys, Perrillouxs & Parkers scattered around the D-1 landscape.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Do not read this if your name is Russell Maryland

The Outland Trophy is another one of those awards that absolutely no one cares about. Still, the Football Writer's Association of America decided to release the 2008 Outland Trophy watch list. This crap award is giving to the best interior linemen on either side of the ball in the nation.

I know your burning all up inside in anticipation to see who is on the list, so here it is. As a side, I'm already predicting Jim Tartt to win, just because Chris Fowler really wants to say Sopchoppy.

Jim Tartt OL Sr. Florida
.
.
.
.
A bunch of other useless crap bags that nobody knows.

There you have it! The 2008 Outland Trophy Watch List.

Rich "Crybaby" Rodriguez is class of the Big Eleven


Every time a new story comes about about RR, I can't help but think of a few things; New England Patriots, Roger Clemens, the BTB Killer, the 3-year old kid at Toys 'r' Us that has never been spanked in his life. In other words, RR is a certified douche.

The most recent story to come out about RR is that he was "pressured" into signing a contract with West Virginia before the '07 season. Somehow he was "pressured" by the West Virginia board of governors as well as the governor of West Virginia himself to sign a contact that actually gave 'ol RR a RAISE!

Are you serious? El Douche is claiming that he was "pressured" into signing a contract for more money? Since when was DickRod a 5 year old with no mind of his own?

Apparently, El Douche was not happy about the $4 million buyout stipulated in the contract. Also, RR wanted his own website and was denied. So RR jumped ship to Michigan where he is sure to have several websites of his own.

Some recently purchased websites out of Ann Arbor:
firerichrodriguez.com
richrodriguezblows.com
oveRRated.com

I really hope Michigan fans aren't expecting some sort of a miraculous turnaround. There aren't any play makers in Ann Arbor and the Big Eleven actually figures to be better this year.

It's fun to hate someone!

One thing that makes college football so much better than the NFL is the true hatred that comes with the fiercest rivalries. I have been to tailgates at NFL games where fans of the opposing teams were enjoying the company of one another over a couple of shared alcoholic beverages.

This would not be the case in a college atmosphere.

Here's a breakdown of what might occur in both these instances.

Example 1- NFL

Cowboy Fan- "Hey there Eagle fan! How are you? Would you like a beer?"
Eagle Fan- "Yes I would. Boy you guys sure were smart to pick up T.O. after we cut him!"
Cowboy Fan- "Yeah that was a good move, but you guys aren't too bad yourselves. Westbrook is a beast."
Eagle Fan-"Well it should be a good game today, good luck! I hope you guys have fun"

Example 2- College

Georgia Fan- "Hey there Gator fan! Nice jean shorts. I hope Tebow dies from blunt force trauma to the domepiece."
Florida Fan- "Sound of fist meeting the cranial region of said Georgia fan's shit talker"
Georgia Fan- (while gasping for air)- "You guys still suck! I'll see Tebow in hell!"
Florida Fan- (While pissing on Georgia Fan's stiff corpse.) "Larry Munson can suck my pork sword!"

Do you see the differences? These are both actual instances that took place during pre-game tailgating.

I decided to pay a tribute to some of college football's greatest rivalries. Get out your shit-ruining boots and enjoy!

Florida v. Georgia
The game formerly known as the world's largest outdoor cocktail party is played every year in Jacksonville, FL and is annually the site of several college student deaths. Can you imagine if this was a home for home series? Georgia fans in Gainesville? Florida fans in Athens? It would be a suicide mission to cheer for your team while on the road. At least with the neutral site, fans have a better's chance of making it through the game alive.

BYU v. Utah
The game know as the Holy War pit the two main institutions of Mormon Utah against one another. BYU had to add on to Lavell Edwards Stadium to allow fans with all 12 of their wives to attend and enjoy the game. While Urban Meyer was at Utah, he installed BYU urinal cakes in the players' restroom during the week of the game. How badass awesome is that?! I'm on e-bay now looking for Georgia toilet bowl scrubbers!

Florida St. v. Miami
Although both these teams have taken a break from fielding competitive football teams in recent years, this is still one of the more hated rivalries in the nation. When FSU and Miami athletes aren't battling each other to see who can steal the most good from which store, or be caught with the most drugs, they are doing battle on the field. This series brought the phrase "wide right" into the common college football lexicon.

Auburn v. Alabama
The Iron Bowl is considered by many to be the epitome of college football rivalry. Since most Alabamans (or whatever they're called) have no knowledge of the modern world, football is pretty much the only thing they have to look forward to. This game always closes out the season and in the past had decided the SEC Champ. In recent years, however, they could have renamed this game to the Auburn Handing Alabama's Own Ass to Them Bowl out to the Tigers dominance. We'll have to wait and see if the AHAOAtTB trend will continue.

Oregon v. Oregon St.
The Civil War is probably my favorite non-Southern college football rivalry. There always seems to be a strange mist over the stadium when these two teams play. The only thing uglier than the hatred these two teams have for one another is the bright yellow Oregon alternate uniforms.

South Carolina v. Clemson
These two teams do battle every year for the bragging rights of the Palmetto state. This rivalry only got better with the addition of Steve Spurrier and the wild brawl that ended the 2004 game.

Ohio St. v. Michigan
An Ohio St. University can't seem to put together a decent game when it come to the NC. However, they can still pull an App. St. and beat Big Blue every year. There's no sign that this rivalry will reverse into Michigan's favor with the hire of overrated RR to run the program.

Texas v. Oklahoma
The Red River shootout needs to be at the end of the year. Who cares about Oklahoma St. and Texas A&M? Can you imagine how much bigger this game would be if it were played at the end of the year? We're talking Ohio St. v. Michigan and Florida v. Florida St. in the 90's status.

Montana v. Montana St.
I just love the name of this rivalry game. The Brawl of the Wild. That name groin-kicks all other names into oblivion. (Especially the Egg Bowl)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Defense wins championships........And the Bronko Nagurski Award

If you thought preseason polls were bad, how about nominating a player for an award before he even plays a down. That's what the Charlotte Athletic Club did when the released the Bronko Nagurski preseason watch list. Two Gators did make the list. Brandon Spikes may be the only one of the two with a real shot of winning it.

Here are the names to be "watched"



2008 BRONKO NAGURSKI TROPHY PRESEASON WATCH LIST
Geno Atkins, DT, Georgia
Malcom Jenkins, DB, Ohio State
Antonio Baker, DB, Louisiana Tech
Peria Jerry, DT, Ole Miss
Darry Beckwith, MLB, LSU
Rashad Johnson, DB, Alabama
Ted Bentler, DL, Army
Arthur Jones, DT, Syracuse
Eric Berry, DB, Tennessee
Jan Jorgensen, DL, BYU
Dirayl Briggs, DE, Bowling Green
Frantz Joseph, LB, Florida Atlantic
Everette Brown,DL, Florida State
Mitch King, DT, Iowa
David Bruton, FS Notre Dame
James Laurinaitis, LB, Ohio State
Joe Burnett, DB, UCF
Trevard Lindley, CB, Kentucky
Terrill Byrd, DT, Cincinnati
Sen'Derrick Marks, DT, Auburn
Ian Campbell, DE, Kansas State
Rey Maualuga, LB, USC
Reggie Carter, LB UCLA
Taylor Mays, S, USC
Jamar Chaney, LB Mississippi State
Albert McClellan, DE, Marshall
Patrick Chung, DB, Oregon
Scott McKillop, LB, Pittsburgh
Barry Church, S, Toledo
Gerald McRath, LB, Southern Miss
Antonio Coleman, DE Auburn
Mike Mickens, CB, Cincinnati
Emanuel Cook, SS, South Carolina
Greg Middleton, DE, Indiana
Maurice Crum, LB, Notre Dame
Fili Moala, DT, USC
Jermaine Cunningham, DL, Florida
William Moore, S, Missouri
Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest
DJ Moore, CB, Vanderbilt
Brian Cushing, LB, USC
Joe Mortensen, LB, Kansas
Dexter Davis, DE, Arizona State
Clayton Mullins, LB, Miami (Ohio)
Vontae Davis, DB, Illinois
Captain Munnerlyn, DB, South Carolina
Wil Dunbar, FS, UAB
Andre Neblett, DT, Temple
Solomin Elimimian, LB, Hawaii
Troy Nolan, DB, Arizona State
Dannell Ellerbe, LB, Georgia
Eric Norwood, DE, South Carolina
Kevin Ellison, DB, USC
Vince Oghobaase, DT, Duke
Auston English, DE, Oklahoma
Jeff Owens, DT, Georgia
Larry English, DE, Northern Illinois
Derek Pegues, DB, Mississippi State
Maurice Evans, DE, Penn State
Dave Philistin, LB, Maryland
Zack Follett, LB, California
Nick Reed, DE, Oregon
Marcus Freeman, LB, Ohio State
Myron Rolle, DB, Florida State
Londen Fryar, DB, Western Michigan
George Selvie, DE, South Florida
John Gill, DT, Northwestern
Matt Shaughnessy, DE, Wisconsin
DeMarcus Granger, DT, Oklahoma
Clint Sintim, LB, Virginia
Courtney Greene, S, Rutgers
Alphonso Smith, DB, Wake Forest
Michael Hamlin, DB, Clemson
D'Anthony Smith, DT, Louisiana Tech
Greg Hardy, DE, Mississippi
Clinton Snyder, LB, Stanford
Nic Harris, DB, Oklahoma
Brandon Spikes, LB, Florida
Victor Harris, DB, Virginia Tech
Terrance Taylor, DT, Michigan
Daniel Holtzclaw, LB, Eastern Michigan
Brian Toal, LB, Boston College
Phillip Hunt, DE, Houston
Sean Weatherspoon, LB, Missouri
George Hypolite, DT, Colorado
Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise State
Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU
DeAndre Wright, DB, New Mexico
Players may be added or deleted from the list before or during the season

Good Luck to all! (except Tyson Jackson, Greg Hardy, Myron Rolle, Jeff Owens, Eric Norwood, Dannell Ellerbee, Solomin Elimimian, Captain Munnerlyn, DJ Moore, Emanuel Cook, Trevard Lindley, Everette Brown, Eric Berry, Darry Beckwith, Peria Jerry and Geno Atkins)

Picture of the Day


This is a true sign of how far the Florida State program has fallen. As a Gator it kind of saddens me to see the sad state of affairs taking place at the school up North. Then again, all those years of jacking shoes from Foot Locker and defrauding Dillard's is finally catching up to the 'Noles. I think FSU might need a little more than Jimbo Fisher.

Anyway them new Jordans about to come out!

USC is at it again.



Not to be outdone by the football program and Reggie bush, basketball coach Tim Floyd bankrolled O.J. Mayo during his playing days on the hardwood at USC.



You have to think, if USC wasn't the media darlings of ESPN, and Mark May didn't constantly rub one off whenever picturing the Trojans doing battle at the Coliseum, would the NCAA had already punished USC for their transgressions. I'd like to think so.



The death penalty will never again be administered after the crater that is SMU was left in Dallas. However, some sort of sanctions should be levied upon the entire USC Athletic Department.



I'm sure everything will blow over and USC will once again be number 1 in the hearts of all ESPN analysts. Mark Sanchez will be throwing wild jacuzzi parties with Nick Lachey and the local JUCO girls. But I think the NCAA should at least put a watchful eye on this program. If any kid is walking around campus with a brand new pair of Jordans or the latest iPhone, there needs to be some questioning.

Gator Nation: Our love for guns and jail time....

These past few weeks have not been very good ones for my Gators. First we find out that Jamar Hornsby has been using a gas card that belongs to the dead companion of former teammate Michael Guilford, then incoming freshman Matt Patchan in shot at a Tampa area park.

What is going on?

In Patchan's defense, it seems that he was doing nothing wrong, The initial story has him as an innocent bystander that was struck by a stray bullet. The Hornsby incident is a little more troubling. Hornsby began using his brand new gas card the day after Ashley Slonina's death, and did not stop unitl he rang up an obscene amount of charges.

It's a good thing Hornsby had not been living up to his potential in Gainesville, or his departure from the team would mean a lot more. Right now all his departure means is that Cornelius Ingram will now be the only Gator wearing the number 7.

I can only hope these distractions don't catch up to the Gators on the field.