Countdown!

'Twas the day before football, when all through the land
Everyone was stirring, especially CFB fans;

The helmets were hung by the lockers with care,
In hopes that gameday soon would be there;

The cheerleaders were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of touchdowns danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'jersey, and I in my hat,
Had just settled down for a long fall’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-cut grass
Gave the lustre of mid-day to OSU fan’s ass,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature horse, and an Indian with a spear,
With an old time coach, so dagummit lively,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Bobby.
More rapid than War Eagles his players they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Tebow! now, Daniel! now, Moreno and Harvin!
On, Wells! on Bradford! on, Harrell and Garvin!
To the back of the end zone! Go get that ball !
Now sprint away! sprint away! sprint away all!
"As dry leaves that before the Miami Hurricanes fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, on their backs they will lie,
So up to the field the players they ran,
With pads on their shoulders, and a football in their hands.

And then, in an instant, I heard on the tube.
The yelling and screaming of the Gameday Crew.
As I looked at the screen, and was turning around,
Through the door St. Bobby came with a bound.
He was dressed all in garnet, from his shoes to his shirt,
And his golf hat was tarnished with ashes and dirt;
A bunch of players he had suspended from his team,
And he looked like a skeleton from some sort of bad dream.
His eyes -- how they glazed! his dimples how wrinkly!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose was so crinkly!
His droll gaping mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And he looked like he was chasing Joe Paterno;
The combing of a playbook he held in his hand,
And the scribbling all over it made it hard to comprehend;

He had a broad face and a big round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old fart,
And I cringed when I saw him, ‘Cus I’m a Gator at heart;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know the ‘Noles were nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled out the playbook; then left like a jerk,
And laying his finger on top of his nose,
He pointed to a breathe-right strip, for health reasons I suppose;
He sprang to his car, to his team gave a Yo!,
And away they all fled like Geno Hayes at the sight of Tebow.


But I heard him exclaim, as he drove away,

"College football starts tomorrow, Dagummit, watch every play!."