Playoffs?!?!?!? Who's talking about playoffs?!?!?!?

Several college commissioners have come out of the wood works recently to beat down the notion of a playoff system in CFB.

Here's what some notable conference commissioners said when asked about the idea of a playoff system being implemented in the near future:

BIG EAST COMMISSIONER MIKE TRANGHESE: "I have not seen anything that works unless you do things that presidents aren't going to accept. Presidents are not going to allow a football playoff to venture into the second semester, deep into the second semester. They're not going to allow football playoffs to take place during exams. And they're not going to start playing football early in August. ... I find it interesting because I hear football coaches say we ought to have a four-team playoff, I mean, don't insult my intelligence. Once there's a four-team playoff there will be an 8-team playoff. Once there's an 8, there will be a 16."

Translation: No playoffs until school presidents get the used douche bags removed from their anus.

MOUNTAIN WEST'S CRAIG THOMPSON: "Everybody says a playoff. And my coaches and administrators included. And I said — what are you talking about? Are you talking about an 8-team playoff and is the Mountain West guaranteed one of the eight berths? It's easy to say you're in favor of a playoff, but if you don't know what the format is, I can't say unequivocally, 'Heck, yeah, let's have a playoff.'"

Translation: My conference sucks balls. You know it and I know it.

SEC'S ROY KRAMER: "Not in my lifetime. I don't see much support for it nationally. I don't see any overwhelming sentiment nationally to move in that direction. And the Pac-10 and Big Ten don't have any interest in it and I don't see that changing."

Translation: The Big 10 and PAC 10 is made up of a bunch of pussies. I can't wait to die so I can kick their grandfather's asses in hell.

Here's what some commissioners said when approached with the idea of conference expansion:

ACC'S JOHN SWOFFORD: "I think in terms of our league, we're probably rather stable for a good while to come. I don't think we currently have any interest in being any larger than 12. You get beyond that, it becomes a more difficult enterprise to manage and scheduling becomes even more complicated."

Translation: We suck enough with 12 teams. Why dilute that suckiness with more shitty programs?

TRANGHESE: "Well, there aren't four schools back that would make the football league any better in my view. Now if you said to me, pick any four schools, I could make us a lot better. But those schools are currently playing in other leagues. And I think schools that are available who have expressed a desire to be here I just don't think collectively make us any better. And I'm not one that believes having a football [championship game] is necessarily the right thing."

Translation: We don't want no shitty ass teams stinking up our league. We already have Syracuse for that.

This was an interesting moment when the debate between the ACC and Big East was brought up:

TRANGHESE: "You know what, people have really tried to engage me in conversation about the ACC and I've lasted five years without it, so I'm going to make it one more year."

Translation: Bring it Bitches!

SWOFFORD: "Well, first of all, I don't think you measure a conference totally on what you do in the BCS games. You know, the only way to rectify that is to win some of them. ... I think what we've done league-wise is put ourselves in a position to be stronger than we've ever been before and play at the very top level at a consistent basis."

Translation: We get paid just to PLAY in the BCS. Who care about actually winning the games?

When asked a general question about change in CFB's near future, here's what was said:

TRANGHESE: "I don't think anybody knows — that's the challenge. Put it this way, [look at] the last 15 years. And go back to '90, let's say the last 18 years. ... Penn State leaves and goes to the Big Ten. Florida State loses its independent status and goes to the ACC. The SEC expands. The Big East takes on football. The Southwest Conference goes away. The Big 12 realigns. I mean, if you went to sleep in 1990 and you woke up today, you'd be overwhelmed by it all. I'd like to think that because of the size of the leagues, that generally speaking, we're done with expansion."

Translation: Do you expect Rosie O' Donnell to get any fatter before she croaks?

C-USA'S BRITTON BANOWSKY: "I do think we're in a period of relative stability right now and I think the challenges and some of the difficulty that people experienced going through the last time, the last round of realignment, has caused folks to carefully consider making moves before they make them. And so I think that's helping us right now kind of get traction with our current alignments, get our branding mechanisms in place and really grow."

Translation: We already crashed and burned with the Army experiment. I'm not in any hurry to screw up royally again.

SWOFFORD: "History would tell us that in college athletics that at some point, there may be other shifts that are coming. ... I think we're probably in a reasonably stable period. Ultimately down the road, anther decade, another two decades, history would tell us maybe there'll be some movement again."

Translation: I'm gay and I'm in to water sports....