It's all in the name

The college football landscape is littered with some crazy team nicknames. I wanted to take some time out and break down a few of these names for you.

You're welcome.

1. Akron Zips - I don't know what a Zip has to do with a donkey. It's sort of like the Alabama Crimson Tide with an elephant mascot.
2. TCU Horned Frogs- The powers that be at TCU tried really hard to come up with a way to make a frog sound really intimidating.
3. Coastal Carolina Chanticleers- Chanticleer is the name of a rooster in a Canterbury fable. It is also a male chorus. Either way it's pretty gay.
4. Presbyterian Blue Hose- Man this nation really used to be obsessed with colored leggings.
5. South Dakota St. Jackrabbits- Whenever I hear the nickname for South Dakota St.'s football team, I immediately think of this porno I saw one time when...... Never mind.
6. Furman Paladins- A Paladin was an imperial guard in ancient Rome. They were like the rent-a-cops of the old days.
7. Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils- A Boll Weevil is a tiny beetle that feeds on cotton. Their main rivals are the Arkansas-Russelsville Silk Worms. They play for the annual Totally not dangerous but annoying as hell insect cup. The Boll Weevils dominate.
8. Arkansas Tech Wonder Boys- I love this nickname. Wonder Boy was my nickname from the age of 4 months to 2 years.
9. Southern Arkansas Mule Riders- What is up with Arkansas? I'm going to bypass that state form now on whenever I am driving. They suck.
10. Central Oklahoma Bronchos- COU student, "Forget your damn English and proper way of spelling things. Go Bronchs Beeeeyotch!"
11. Texas A&M-Kingsville Javelinas- A Javelina is basically a dirty pig. In other words, Kingsville have the same mascot as the Arkansas Razorbacks and the Charlie Weis family.
12. Washburn Ichabods- It's better than being the Jekylls, I guess....
13. Colorado St.-Pueblo Thunderwolves- How awesome is this nickname? They should have stopped allowing teams to come up with nicknames after this one. Kudos Pueblo, kudos.
14. Alfred Saxons- I've always admired teams that are named after a people from a certain region that have nothing to do with the area that the team is now in.
15. Massachusetts-Dartmouth Corsairs- Gay!
16. Amherst Lord Jeffs- Lord Jeff was a stone cold playa. That makes this name awesome.
17. Colby White Mules- Why do the mules gotta be white?
18. Tufts Jumbos- Rosie O'Donnell recently tried to sue Tufts for trademark infringement.
19. Williams Ephs- Ephraim Williams wishes he could be as cool as Lord Jeff.
20. Trinity Bantams- A bantam is a small chicken. Need I say more?
21. Rowan Profs- Awesome Owl mascot to go along with the baddest-Assed nickname in all the land.
22. Oberlin Yeomen-Basically a poor ass farmer.
23. Ohio Wesleyan Battling Bishops- Isn't this name sacrilegious or something?
24. Heidelberg Student Princes- Pleeeeaase change the name!
25. John Carroll Blue Streaks- Better than brown streaks.
26. Carnegie Mellon Tartans- A football team named after a skirt that Scottish people wear. There are sooo many thing wrong with that.
27. Chicago Maroons- One of my favorites.
28. Gettysburg Bullets- Why not the Gettysburg Suicide Charges, or Gettysburg Adresses?
29. Gustavus Adolphus Gusties- Sounds extremely gay.
30. Whittier Poets- See above.
31. Wisconsin-Eau Clarie Bluegolds- The compromise to end all compromises. John Taylor and Jesse Thomas would be proud
32. Jamestown Jimmies- I know what jimmy is slang for....
33. South Dakota School of Mines Hardrockers- "Motoring!!!!! What's your price for flight!!!!"
34. Southwestern Moundbuilders- This is just dumb.

1-AA (Sorry FCS) Rankings

The Football Championship Subdivision (formerly known as 1-aa) received an unprecedented amount of publicity last season. This is due to the fact that people stopped seeing 1-aa as the whipping boys for 1-a football, thanks to Appalachian St.'s upset of Michigan in the Big House.

The talent at the 1-aa level is higher than ever. Now players who could make a 1-a roster take a step down in order to start at the lower level schools.

Unlike 1-a, however, 1-aa officials don't have their head in their asses and actually produce a playoff system at the end of the year. For this reason, polls and rankings mean very little.

I really don't care how little they mean, I'm still going to give you my preseason 1-aa top 25. If you actually read this you must be like me and can't wait for college football to start.




1. Appalachian St. Mountaineers- Key Player- QB Armanti Edwards





2. North Dakota St. Bison - Key Player- RB Tyler Roehl





3. James Madison Dukes - Key Player - QB Rodney Landers





4. Massachusetts Minutemen - Key Player - QB Liam Coen





5. Eastern Washington Eagles - Key Player - QB Matt Nichols





6. Montana Grizzlies - Key Player - OL J.D. Quinn





7. Richmond Spiders - Key Player - OL Matthew McCracken





8. Montana St. Bobcats - Key Player - LB Bobby Daly





9. McNeese St. Cowboys - Key Player - OL Eman Naghavi





10. South Dakota St. Jackrabbits - Key Player - DL Eric Schroeder





11. Delaware Fightin Blue Hens - Key Player - QB Rob Schoenhoft

12. Northern Iowa Panthers - Key Player - DL Mark Huygens

13. Eastern Kentucky Colonels - Key Player - DB Brandon Gathof

14. Eastern Illinois Panthers - Key Player - P Kevin Cook

15. Elon Phoenix - Key Player - WR Terrell Hudgins

16. New Hampshire Wildcats - Key Player - TE Scott Sicko

17. Sam Houston St. Bearkats - Key Player - QB Rhett Bomar

18. Georgia Southern Eagles - Key Player - K Jesse Hartley

19. Western Illinois Leathernecks - Key Player - RB Herb Donaldson

20. Southern Illinois Salukis - Key Player - OL Aaron Lockwood

21. Alabama A&M Bulldogs - Key Player - DB Al Donaldson







22. Yale Bulldogs - Key Player - RB Mike McLeod








23. Colgate Red Raiders - Key Player - RB Jordan Scott







24. Maine Black Bears - Key Player - DL Jovan Belcher








25. Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks - Key Player - LB Damian Perkins