CFB 365 Beer Pong Torunament

Beer pong and college football. Has there ever been two things that went together so nicely? Not since peanut butter and jelly or Phil Fulmer and stretch pants have two entities come together and created one magnificent spectacle.

I've decided to exploit this fact by starting a beer pong tournament, CFB365 style. The tournament will consist of 16 prominent BCS coaches divided into two brackets. I wanted to do one with the players, but we don't condone underage drinking here at 365 (officially anyways...).

The tournament will commence tomorrow. For now, let's meet the competitors.

The "I Need 10 Cups So They Don't Runeth Over" Division


1. Urban Meyer- Florida.

Tale of the tape.
Age- 45
Birthplace- Ashtabula, OH
Claim to fame- Won 2 national championships in first 4 years at Florida.
Signature move- Calls timeout when ahead 8 cups to 2 to give his opponent plenty of time to contemplate their inevitable defeat. Then calmly drains the last 2 cups.
Quote- " You'd be nuts not to root for me."
Nickname- Head Ponger In Charge



2. Nick Saban - Alabama

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- Hell
Claim to fame- Became the head coach of Bama merely minutes after refuting reports he was leaving the Miami Dolphins.
Signature move- Convinces opponent he will not play against them. As soon as they let their guard down, he attacks!
Quote- "I will not play in this tournament. I'm telling you right now. Never, ever."
Nickname- Honest Nicky



3. Pete Carroll - USC

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- San Francisco, CA
Claim to fame- 1 1/2 national championships.
Signature move- He has the rest of the PAC-10 hold his side cup when it's his turn to shoot.
Quote- "Win forever....at beer pong!"
Nickname- West Coast Pong Dude



4. Les Miles - LSU

Tale of the tape.

Age- 55
Birthplace- Elyria, OH
Claim to fame- Won national championship despite 2 losses.
Signature move- With only one cup needed to win, Miles will still attempt to bounce the ball in just for shits and giggles.
Quote- " What the hell, go for it!"
Nickname- The Beer Pong Gambler



5. Mack Brown - Texas

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- Cookeville, TN
Claim to fame- Rode Vince Young's manic depressive legs to a national championship.
Signature move- He finds one toss he likes early and sticks with it. No matter what, he keeps doing it over and over.
Quote- "Drink 'Em"
Nickname- The Solo Cup Destroyer



6. Jim Tressel - Ohio St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 56
Birthplace- Mentor, OH
Claim to fame- Won one national championship with the Buckeyes, and he only needed a little help from the refs.
Signature move- Slowly wears down his opponent by methodically draining every cup in order and playing good defense.
Quote- "What the hell does a spread offense mean?"
Nickname- The Vested Ponger




7. Joe Paterno - Penn St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 109
Birthplace- Brooklyn, NY
Claim to Fame- The all time winningnest coach in college football history.
Signature move- Watches the whole match from the side while his assistants do all the work.
Quote- "Beer pong was way more fun during prohibition."
Nickname- JoePong



8. Randy Shannon - Miami

Tale of the tape.

Age- 43
Birthplace- Miami, FL
Claim to fame- Crying incessantly after Urban Meyer kicked a late field goal in last year's Gators victory.
Signature move- Bad mouths opponents after each and every loss.
Quote- "Everybody in this tournament is a classless dirtbag."
Nickname- Tears For Beers.


The "I Just Need An Excuse To Drink" Division.


1. Mark Richt - Georgia

Tale of the tape.

Age- 49
Birthplace- Omaha, NE
Claim to fame- Severely pissing off Urban Meyer.
Signature move- Jumps on to the table and celebrates wildly after draining the first cup of every match.
Quote-"At least I'm not Lane Kffin."
Nickname- The Double Fister




2. Lane Kiffin - Tennessee

Tale of the tape.

Age- 34
Birthplace- Bloomington, MN
Claim to fame- Absolutely nothing.
Signature move- Pisses off every single one of his opponents before the match even starts.
Quote-"I'm gonna turn Urban Meyer in right now. He blocked my attempt to bounce my ball into his cup. Just to let you know, that's cheating.
Nickname- Lame Chugger



3. Bob Stoops - Oklahoma

Tale of the tape.

Age- 48
Birthplace- Youngstown, OH
Claim to fame- One national championship and 26 straight BCS appearances.
Signature move- Wins every single match with a tiebreaker.
Quote-"Why would I design a defense to stop the Statue of Liberty? That play will never come up."
Nickname- Beer Me


4. Charlie Weis - Notre Dame

Tale of the tape.

Age- 53
Birthplace- Butter
Claim to fame- "Architect" of the New England Patriots' offense.
Signature move- Disorients opponents with his body odor and engulfs any wayward ping pong balls that come near his cups.
Quote- "I'm telling you, I am a genius. You gotta believe me!"
Nickname- Lightweight




5. Rich Rodriguez - Michigan

Tale of the tape.

Age- 46
Birthplace- Grant Town, WV
Claim to fame- Led Michigan to their worst record in 206 years of football.
Signature move- Wipes the sweat off of his brow with bright red wristbands while calmly draining shots.
Quote-"Give me my money!"
Nickname - Appalachian Swigger



6. Bobby Bowden - Florida St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 107
Birthplace- Pangaea
Claim to fame- Two national championships and a lifetime of quotes.
Signature move- The Pongrooskie
Quote-"Well Daggummit. I can't follow this her darned thing."
Nickname- The Wonderkid.




7. Steve Kragthorpe - Louisville
Tale of the tape.

Age- 44
Birthplace- Missoula, MT
Claim to fame- Completely bombing the Louisville program.
Signature move- Gets in way over his head and hangs on for dear life.
Quote- "I'm not in Tulsa anymore."
Nickname- Stevie Kegstand






8. Mike Riley - Oregon St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 56
Birthplace- Wallace, ID
Claim to fame- Annually ruining the national title hopes of a PAC-10 team.
Signature move- Surprises his opponents with his cunning ability to dominate the beer pong table. Always lets the other guy back in, but nails the game winning cup in overtime.
Quote-"No, no, no, no, no. I'm the OTHER Mike Riley."
Nickname- The Malice From Corvallis

Saturday's Stories

The first Saturday of the college football season is in the books. There were a bevy of nauseatingly boring games with which to choose from. As week 1 draws nearer to it's close, I would like to take a look at the top stories from Saturday.


Injured RB's.









A few teams had their opening season victories dampened by injuries to their top tailbacks. Ohio St. throttled Youngstown St. In a game that should have been headlined by Terrelle Pryor's first touchdown, Beanie Well's injury stole the show. Well's went down with a foot injury in the third quarter while attempting to score on the vaunted Penguin defense.

Georgia's Knowshon Moreno was also hit with the injury bug. Moreno left the game after grabbing his hamstring during a touchdown run against Georgia Southern. Moreno's injury does not seem to be very serious and he should be back in the lineup by next week.

Ohio St. will most likely sit Wells out of next week's historic match up vs. in state rival Ohio. This should give Beanie enough time to recoup before the USC game.



Upsets










While there were no monumental upsets like Appalachian St. over Michigan this week. There were a few games that turned some heads and caused a general "huh?" reaction from fans.

East Carolina pulled off probably the biggest upset of the week by knocking off 17th ranked Virginia Tech in Charlotte. ECU scored the go ahead touchdown by, ironically enough, blocking a Va Tech punt and returning it for a touchdown. I think Skip Holtz just bought himself a better job this off season.

Bowling Green also drank from the upset kool-aid Saturday. The Falcons defeated Dave Wannstedt's Pittsburgh team. The Panthers seem to be battling with Clemson for the title of most overly hyped underperfoming team in America. After Clemson's loss to Alabama, it's a toss up.

Most people didn't see the Texas A&M loss to Arkansas St. late Saturday night. The Red Wolves spoiled TAMU's new head coach Mike Sherman's debut. I don't care how big a rebuilding year this is for the Aggies, there's no way they should ever lose to Arkansas. St.

Mississippi St. became the first SEC team of the season to lose. Louisiana Tech won the battle of the Bulldogs Saturday night. The win was the first one for La Tech over a BCS opponent in Ruston ever. I hope this doesn't start a trend for Sly Croom's bunch.

I would include Utah over Michigan, but I don't consider that an upset. The Utes proved they were a superior team with superior players in Ann Arbor. RichRod has a lot of work to do with his bunch. On the bright side, I think the Wolverines have found their starting QB in Steven Threet.


Coaching Debuts














I've already talked about the losing debuts of Mike Sherman at Texas A&M and Rich Rodriguez at Michigan, respectively. A few other coaches made their debut with their teams on Saturday. Here's how they fared:

Greg McMackin, Hawaii - Got stomped by the Gators 56-10.

Bill Stewart, West Virginia - Defeated Villanova with the best passing performance of Pat White's career.


Paul Wulff, Wasshington St. - Lost to Oklahoma St. in Seattle. Wazzou fans are already booing the new regime.

Ken Niumatalolo, Navy - His Midshipmen throttled Towson in Annapolis.

Bobby Petrino, Arkansas - Barely won against 1-aa Western Illinois. I was hoping for the upset all the way through. If Arkansas continues that level of play, they will be horrendous this season.

Jerry Kill, Northern Illinois - Almost pulled off the mild upset against the worst BCS team in the nation, Minnesota.

Houston Nutt, Ole Miss - The Rebels manhandled rival Memphis in a game that I thought would be a lot closer.

David Cutcliffe, Duke - Defeated James Madison. Hey, at Duke, a win's a win.

Bo Pelini, Nebraska - Destroyed Western Michigan at home.

Kevin Sumlin, Houston - Won big against Southern. His Cougars are looking very sharp.

Larry Fedora, Southern Miss - Defeated Louisiana-Lafayette. Real test comes next week.

Countdown: 46 Days!

46 Days

Everyone already knows how horrible Michigan is going to be this year. So instead of harping on the obvious, I figured I'd throw out some positives for the Wolverines this season.

• Michigan fans aren't as obnoxious as Ohio St. fans.
• Michigan won't suck as hard as Notre Dame.
• Rich Rodriguez is slightly less of a douche bag than Nick Saban.
• Michigan Stadium is really, really, really big.

There you go, now you can never say I never say anything nice about Michigan.

Countdown: 57 Days!

57 Days

West Virginia has been in the headlines most of this off season mainly because of their former coach, and professional bed wetter, Double R. New head coach Bill Stewart just may be the nicest man in America. He has a lot of talent returning to Morgantown for another title run this season. Pat White is back at QB, and Noel Devine should help Mountaineer fans forget all about Steve Slaton.

Rich "Crybaby" Rodriguez is class of the Big Eleven

Every time a new story comes about about RR, I can't help but think of a few things; New England Patriots, Roger Clemens, the BTB Killer, the 3-year old kid at Toys 'r' Us that has never been spanked in his life. In other words, RR is a certified douche.

The most recent story to come out about RR is that he was "pressured" into signing a contract with West Virginia before the '07 season. Somehow he was "pressured" by the West Virginia board of governors as well as the governor of West Virginia himself to sign a contact that actually gave 'ol RR a RAISE!

Are you serious? El Douche is claiming that he was "pressured" into signing a contract for more money? Since when was DickRod a 5 year old with no mind of his own?

Apparently, El Douche was not happy about the $4 million buyout stipulated in the contract. Also, RR wanted his own website and was denied. So RR jumped ship to Michigan where he is sure to have several websites of his own.

Some recently purchased websites out of Ann Arbor:
firerichrodriguez.com
richrodriguezblows.com
oveRRated.com

I really hope Michigan fans aren't expecting some sort of a miraculous turnaround. There aren't any play makers in Ann Arbor and the Big Eleven actually figures to be better this year.