Charlie Weis is Fat (And other reasons why these coaches might get fired.)

Time for my yearly round-up of the coaches on the hot seat this season. I was unsurprisingly accurate last season. That's bad news for these guys...




Robb Akey- Idaho. Akey is this year's winner of the Gregg Robinson award. That prestigious piece of hardware is given to the one coach that defies all odds and is given another year at his god-awful institutions. Past winners include Gregg Robinson. That's some good company. Also, it's a tradition for the Gregg Robinson award winner to be fired within a year of winning the award. So expect Akey to be out of Moscow by year's end.

Possible Replacement - Someone who will be fired 3 years from now. It's the natural cycle at Idaho.







Steve Kragthorpe - Louisville. Fortunately for Kragthorpe, the Rick Pitino scandal will take off some of the heat that Steve has been feeling at Louisville. Unfortunately for Stevie-K, his coaching ability (or lack thereof) will put all the heat square back on him by October.

Possible Replacement- This seems like a good spot for Turner Gill.






Bob Toledo - Tulane. I'm still trying to figure out how in the hell Bob Toledo even got this job in the first place. I don't see the Green Wave being any good this season, so I think Toledo will be leaving the Big Easy pretty soon.

Possible replacement - How about Tommy Bowden coming back to New Orleans. The Wave haven't been nearly as good as they once were under Bowden.





Neil Callaway - UAB. When I sat down and thought of all the coaches I wanted to include on this highly respected list, I have to admit that Neil Callaway wasn't one of my first choices. This had nothing to do with the fact that I think the Blazers will be better this season. I actually completely forgot about UAB and Neil Callaway. The worst thing for a college football to do is to become irrelevant.

Possible Replacement- Tyrone Willingham. Imaging Willingham and Mike Davis at the same tiny institution.




Charlie Weis - Notre Dame. The poster boy for coaches on the hot seat this season. Weis will need to do better than a trip to the Hawaii bowl this season to keep his job. One good thing for Charlie is that he has a solid defense in South Bend this year. Also, an easy schedule, especially by Notre Dame standards, should help the Irish rebound somewhat.

Possible Replacement- We all know who Notre Dame's first choice is going to be. We'll just agree that that isn't happening. So I'll say the field.




Al Groh - Virginia. Groh saved his job two seasons ago. He found himself back on the hot seat after missing a bowl game last season. A similar result this year could lead to his dismissal. Groh's sticking point used to be his recruiting prowess. However, he is even slipping in that department recently.

Possible Replacement- Skip Holtz. If he can pull off another good season at ECU.







Doug Martin - Kent St. If Martin can't get the Golden Flashes into a bowl game this season, he might be getting the pink slip. Martin needs to take full advantage of Eugene Jarvis while he has him.

Possible Replacement- Someone from the D-II that no one has ever heard of.





Paul Wulff - Washington St. I usually like to give coaches a 3 year grace period before calling for their job. However, there are certain special circumstances in which I can make an exception. This is one of those instances. If the Cougars suffer through another season like last year, Wulff will be out.

Possible Replacement - Some USC assistant.








Mark Snyder - Marshall. I really have no insightful knowledge on this one. I just know that Marshall hasn't been good for a couple of seasons. Howe many more can Snyder stay around for? In my opinion, one.

Possible Replacement - Maybe the UF-Marshall connection will make it's way over to the gridiron, and Billy Gonzalez gets a head coaching gig.







Ron Zook - Illinois. I'm definitely not an Illinois insider, but I gotta imagine that the fans are growing weary of Zook's inconsistency. This I can speak of firsthand. Zook can recruit, but he absolutely cannot coach. How does someone with Juice Williams and Arrelious Benn at their disposal miss a bowl game? I guess the Zooker needs to start a fight with an entire frat house to start feeling the heat.

Possible Replacement - Another Gator, Charlie Strong.








Bret Bielema - Wisconsin. The Badger win total has been decreasing every season under Bielema's tenure. If that trend continues this season, Wisconsin could be missing out on a bowl game. That's an unforgivable offense in Madison. One that could cost Bielema his job.

Possible Replacement - Whoever the hell Barry Alvarez wants.







Jim Leavitt - South Florida. I know Leavitt is the architect of the South Florida program. A program that is on a meteoric rise. But some blame has to be thrown his way for the Bulls lack of success in late season games. If USF suffers another late season collapse, especially in George Selvie and Matt Grothe's last season, Leavitt could be feeling some serious heat in Tampa.

Possible Replacement - One of the many top notch assistants on Leavitt's coaching staff.

Who's the next one out?

The coaching carousel has already begun thanks to the firing of Tommy Bowden from Clemson. The latest rumor has Lane and Monte Kiffin being brought in to right that crazy ship.

While I feel Bowden deserved to get the axe, there are still several other coaches out there that should soon find their way out the door. In fact, I'm gonna do a blog about that right now.

I know Pat Forde has already done something like this, but my shit is way cooler than his. Also, I know what I'm talking about. Most of the time.

Here are a few ass bags that I feel should be thrown from the coaching carousel in the near future.

1. Greg Robinson - Syracuse

Record at 'Cuse - 8-33

4th year

I will officially boycott life if Greg Robinson is the head coach at Syracuse next season. Frankly, I'm surprised he has made it this far. If there were to be any more mid-season firings, Robinson is the most likely candidate. Syracuse not only sucks on the field, but they are getting out recruited out of their own backyard by Penn St., Rutgers, Pittsburgh and even Bucknell. This travesty has gone too far. It's time for the Syracuse administration to fix their errors.

Possible replacement - Steve Addazio, Florida Tight Ends Coach

2. Brent Guy - Utah St.

Record with the Aggies - 7-34

4th year

I know that no one really cares about Utah St. Even in their own state they are hardly mentioned. A little bit of winning could change that. Unfortunately for Utah St., there will be no winning as long as Brent Guy is the head coach. I'm not exactly blaming Guy entirely. Really, it will take an amazing, ungodly coach to turn things around here. The Aggies might just hold on to Guy because they'll have some trouble finding someone willing to replace him.

Possible replacement - Bobby Hauck - Montana Head Coach

3. Tyrone Willingham - Washington

Record at U-Dub - 11-30

4th year

Unfortunately for coach Ty, it's pretty much inevitable that he's gone after this year. I wonder if things would have been different for him if that sorry ass excuse for a ref would not have made that ridiculous unsportsmanlike call on Jake Locker against BYU. Who knows. Knowing the Huskies' luck, BYU probably would have just won in overtime anyway.

Possible replacement - Gary Pinkel - Missouri Head Coach

4. Phillip Fulmer - Tennessee

Record with the Vols - 149-49
17th year

Don't let that record fool you. Fulmer is leading the Vols straight down the tubes. The call for Fulmer's job has never been louder in Knoxville. The man is strictly getting by on his past right now. The Vols actually find themselves in a similar situation to Clemson, they will be firing a coach that just received a contract extension before the season started. The growing off the field trouble doesn't help Phil either.

Possible replacement - David Cutcliffe - Duke Head Coach

5. Chuck Long - San Diego St.

Record at SDSU - 8-22

3rd year

The loss to Cal Poly put the final nail in Chuck Long's coaching career coffin. San Diego St. was once a very respectable non-BCS team. Now they are a laughing stock almost on par with Idaho. (Which is pretty bad.) I really don't see why a coach can't be successful at a school like San Diego St. There's great weather, women and a decent football tradition.

Possible replacement - David Bailiff - Rice Head Coach

6. Joe Glenn - Wyoming

Record at Wyoming - 28-38

6th year

I have no idea what's going on at Wyoming. All I know is that the Cowboys are severely falling behind the vastly improved Mountain West pack. Glenn is a coaching legend who just seems to have finally worn on his players, who are no longer responding to him. To make matters worse, it's been reported that Glenn is refusing to send his assistant coaches out on recruiting visits during bye weeks. Ouch.

Possible Replacement - Tyrone Willingham - Possible Former Washington Head Coach

7. Kirk Ferentz - Iowa

Record at Iowa - 65-50

10th year

The most overpaid coach in America might finally be shown the door after this season. I would almost expect Ferentz to be ousted if the Hawkeyes were to miss a bowl game once again. Man I'm actually glad Florida chose the Zooker over Ferentz. I cant believe this guy was even in the running for some NFL head coaching vacancies. As long as Ferentz is at Iowa, the Hawkeyes will never compete for another Big Eleven title.

Possible Replacement - Brian Kelly - Cincinnati Head Coach.

8. Dave Wannstedt - Pittsburgh

Record at Pitt - 20-20

4th year

We all know Wannstedt is one hell of a recruiter. Unfortunately for Pitt, he may be the worst game day coach in all of division 1 football. The upset win over South Florida quited some of Wannstedt's critics for the moment. I'm sure a loss to Navy this week will get them all riled up once again.

Possible replacement - Skip Holtz - East Carolina Head Coach

9. Bob Toledo - Tulane

Record in Nawlins - 6-12

2nd year

I usually like to give a coach 3 years before I consider him to be on the hot seat. I'm gonna have to waive that provision for Mr. Toledo. I thought this was a bad hire for the Pelicans and I complained about it from the very beginning. I think Tulane needs to go back to the days of a wide open offense and absolutely no defense. It seemed to work better than what they have now. I know Hurricane Katrina set this program back a bit, but with the right coach, they can get right back on track.

Possible replacement - Gary Crowton - LSU Quarterbacks Coach

10. Shane Montgomery - Miami(OH)

Record at the OTHER Miami - 16-26
4th year

Back in the day, the RedHawks used to be the team to beat in the MAC. You couldn't envision a MAC championship game or a Motor City Bowl without Miami(OH) there. Now, MAC opponents circle their date with Miami as a guaranteed victory. Some schools are even scheduling Miami for their homecoming game. I like Montgomery. He seems like a nice guy. But perhaps it's time for the program to look for a new direction. Miami used to be the 5th best team in the Big Eleven. Now they're probably only the 8th best team in that conference.

Possible replacement - Chuck Martin - Grand Valley St. Head Coach

Other possible future Burger King employees:

• Ralph Friedgen - Maryland
• Al Groh - Virginia
• Gene Chizik - Iowa St.
• Steve Kragthorpe - Louisville
• Tommy West - Memphis
• Mike Price - UTEP
• Rocky Long - New Mexico
• Ricky Bustle - UL-Lafayette
• Pat Hill - Fresno St.

"Dream" non-conference match-ups for the the SEC

So I saw something similar to this being done on ESPN for the Big XII. I thought since it worked for that ass fest of a conference it surely will work for the all powerful SEC.

Here is a dream non-conference match-up for each and every SEC team. I even included Vanderbilt, and they're never included. Some of these match-ups are just so awesome that just their mere presence on your TV screen would cause instantaneous retardation.

That's why some of them will never happen......









Florida vs. USC


I've already discussed how exciting of a game I think this will be. Both teams are VERY fast, and both have excellent offenses. I have to admit that USC's defense is in a whole other class when compared to Florida. The Gators secondary scares me against this passing game, but I think the Florida front 7 would be able to handle the Trojans' rushing attack. I think it would be poetic justice if Emmanuel Moody went for a buck and a few touchdowns against his former team. I would probably lose my mind if Tebow went up against Brian Cushing in the open-field. Who else would you think I'd pick in this one? Of course I'm going with the Gators.









Georgia vs. Oklahoma


Both of these teams are popular picks to make the title game this season. Both teams also have Heisman Trophy candidates in Knowshon Moreno of Georgia and Sam Bradford of Oklahoma. Another story I find interesting between these two teams is that Oklahoma is led by former Florida assistant Bob Stoops, while Georgia is led by former Florida St. assistant Mark Richt. It's kind of like a dumbed down version of Florida vs. Florida St. This year this game could almost be considered a toss up. Both teams have a lot of talent on offense, and both have extremely tough defenses. I would give the ultimate edge to the Bulldogs. Especially if this were a bowl game.









LSU vs. Texas


These two top-tier teams continuously battle for high school talent in Louisiana and Texas. This game would enable the two to move this off season battle to the field. Both teams have also won recent BCS championships. Mack Brown and Les Miles are two of the more recognizable coaches in the nation, and both will have their teams ready to play in the one. Almost any other year, I would have favored the Tigers in this one. However, LSU is still searching for a quarterback to distribute the ball to it's talented play-makers. Texas on the other hand, has Colt McCoy back, and he will have the benefit of an experienced line in front of him. I give the Longhorns the nod in this one.








Alabama vs. Notre Dame


This game could be hyped as the delusional bowl. Every year the fan bases for these two teams proclaim how they will once again repeat for a national title and bring their program back to glory. Every year, these same delusional fans are knocked back down to reality after their team struggles through another season. These two programs have both spent time at the top of college football. Recent recruiting classes suggests they might be able to get there once again. However, that year is not this year. Alabama will be more competitive than last year, but I still think the Irish are a year away from making it back to a bowl game. I give this one to the Tide. Tuscaloosa will fall under martial law as their ravenous fans litter the streets because there is absolutely nothing else to do but celebrate a meaningless win.







Tennessee vs. Michigan


This would be an interesting match-up between two proud programs that have fallen on tough times recently. Tennessee is sticking with Phil Fulmer despite growing unrest around the program. Michigan is still suffering embarrassment from last season's loss to Appalachian St. The Wolverines will most likely struggle this season. Their defense is not very good, and they lost nearly their entire offensive production to the NFL. Tennessee has a better defense than Michigan, but they too face a difficult challenge of finding new play-makers on offense. I give the edge to the Vols in this one. Arian Foster should find no difficulty in finding holes in the Wolverine defense. Tennessee's defense will also be tough to move the ball against for Michigan.








Auburn vs. Purdue


I picked these two schools for one particular reason. Both of these schools are better football teams than their more well admired in-state institutions. Auburn has been better than Alabama for a while now. Purdue is undoubtedly better than Notre Dame at this current moment. Yet, both Alabama and Notre Dame still get most of the pub. This game would be pretty exciting to watch. The Boilermakers have a ton of firepower on offense with QB Curtis Painter and RB Kory Sheets. Auburn will be installing the spread under Tony Franklin this season. Overall, I would give this match up to the Tigers. Their defense would eventually be able to stop Purdue's offense and take the victory.

South Carolina vs. Florida St.


It would be awesome to see Steve Spurrier and Bobby Bowden on the same field once again. With Bowden's career winding down, this year would probably be their last opportunity to do so. Of course, being a Gator fan, Spurrier is one of my favorite coaches. Even though I hate Florida St., I actually like Bobby Bowden too. I've said it before, CFB needs Bobby to stay around the game. One last chance to see some visor tosses and hear some daggumits would be a special treat for any college football fan. I actually might have to give the edge to the Noles in this game. It all would depend on which Gamecock team would show up.








Arkansas vs. Louisville


This is a dream match-up for obvious reasons. Bobby Petrino gets a shot at the team he left in the dust. Of course, no matter what happens in this game, there will be one unchanged truth: Bobby Petrino is a straight up douche nozzle. Petrino's bunch will struggle on offense because this team is not currently designed to run his offense. Steve Kragthorpe, on the other hand, will have the Cardinals fired up and ready. I would expect Louisville to win the Petrino bowl.

Kentucky vs. Kansas

Of course both of these schools are better known for their highly respected basketball programs. Both teams have also recently become a lot more competitive on the football field as well. Kansas is returning a ton of offensive firepower, while Kentucky lost a lot of it's weapons. I would expect this game to be very high scoring, even resembling some of their basketball contests. In the end, I would give the advantage to the Jayhawks.

Ole Miss vs. UCLA

I look at Ole Miss and UCLA as pretty much being the same team. Both squads have tons of talent, yet neither team ever produces like they should. Also, both teams are in the first season of a controversial coaching hire. The Rebels welcome in Arkansas outcast Houston Nutt, while the Bruins tagged NCAA bad boy Rick Neuheisel to lead the way for them. Like I said, both teams are loaded with talent, it's just a matter of which coach can get the most out of his team. I give the edge to Houston Nutt and the Rebels. Also, how good would the talent be in the stands at this game. The co-eds at Ole Miss and UCLA are both top-notch. That alone makes this a dream match-up.

Mississippi St. vs. Pittsburgh

This game may not seem like such a good match-p. Neither team is a national powerhouse that attracts a ton of attention. However, this game would feature two of my favorite running backs in Anthony Dixon of Mississippi St. and Pittsburgh's Le Sean McCoy. I would love to see these two go at it, as well as see how each defense stops them. Last year's bowl game between the Bulldogs and UCF was seen by many as being boring. I actually thought the game was extremely intense and fun to watch. I expect this one to be in that same mold. The Panthers might just have too much offensive firepower for Miss. St. to overcome.

Vanderbilt vs. Tulane

This could have easily been a conference match-up. These two schools almost became charter members for the Magnolia Conference. This was supposed to be the Ivy League of the South. Both teams eventually backed out at the last minute. Tulane has seen limited success in the C-USA. However, Vanderbilt has consistently gotten pissed on by the big boys of the SEC. The Dores are the only SEC team that hasn't grown ultra competitive within the conference. I think Vandy would be able to get the win over Tulane. Partly because Bob Toledo has no business coaching college football