CFB 365 Beer Pong Torunament

Beer pong and college football. Has there ever been two things that went together so nicely? Not since peanut butter and jelly or Phil Fulmer and stretch pants have two entities come together and created one magnificent spectacle.

I've decided to exploit this fact by starting a beer pong tournament, CFB365 style. The tournament will consist of 16 prominent BCS coaches divided into two brackets. I wanted to do one with the players, but we don't condone underage drinking here at 365 (officially anyways...).

The tournament will commence tomorrow. For now, let's meet the competitors.

The "I Need 10 Cups So They Don't Runeth Over" Division


1. Urban Meyer- Florida.

Tale of the tape.
Age- 45
Birthplace- Ashtabula, OH
Claim to fame- Won 2 national championships in first 4 years at Florida.
Signature move- Calls timeout when ahead 8 cups to 2 to give his opponent plenty of time to contemplate their inevitable defeat. Then calmly drains the last 2 cups.
Quote- " You'd be nuts not to root for me."
Nickname- Head Ponger In Charge



2. Nick Saban - Alabama

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- Hell
Claim to fame- Became the head coach of Bama merely minutes after refuting reports he was leaving the Miami Dolphins.
Signature move- Convinces opponent he will not play against them. As soon as they let their guard down, he attacks!
Quote- "I will not play in this tournament. I'm telling you right now. Never, ever."
Nickname- Honest Nicky



3. Pete Carroll - USC

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- San Francisco, CA
Claim to fame- 1 1/2 national championships.
Signature move- He has the rest of the PAC-10 hold his side cup when it's his turn to shoot.
Quote- "Win forever....at beer pong!"
Nickname- West Coast Pong Dude



4. Les Miles - LSU

Tale of the tape.

Age- 55
Birthplace- Elyria, OH
Claim to fame- Won national championship despite 2 losses.
Signature move- With only one cup needed to win, Miles will still attempt to bounce the ball in just for shits and giggles.
Quote- " What the hell, go for it!"
Nickname- The Beer Pong Gambler



5. Mack Brown - Texas

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- Cookeville, TN
Claim to fame- Rode Vince Young's manic depressive legs to a national championship.
Signature move- He finds one toss he likes early and sticks with it. No matter what, he keeps doing it over and over.
Quote- "Drink 'Em"
Nickname- The Solo Cup Destroyer



6. Jim Tressel - Ohio St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 56
Birthplace- Mentor, OH
Claim to fame- Won one national championship with the Buckeyes, and he only needed a little help from the refs.
Signature move- Slowly wears down his opponent by methodically draining every cup in order and playing good defense.
Quote- "What the hell does a spread offense mean?"
Nickname- The Vested Ponger




7. Joe Paterno - Penn St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 109
Birthplace- Brooklyn, NY
Claim to Fame- The all time winningnest coach in college football history.
Signature move- Watches the whole match from the side while his assistants do all the work.
Quote- "Beer pong was way more fun during prohibition."
Nickname- JoePong



8. Randy Shannon - Miami

Tale of the tape.

Age- 43
Birthplace- Miami, FL
Claim to fame- Crying incessantly after Urban Meyer kicked a late field goal in last year's Gators victory.
Signature move- Bad mouths opponents after each and every loss.
Quote- "Everybody in this tournament is a classless dirtbag."
Nickname- Tears For Beers.


The "I Just Need An Excuse To Drink" Division.


1. Mark Richt - Georgia

Tale of the tape.

Age- 49
Birthplace- Omaha, NE
Claim to fame- Severely pissing off Urban Meyer.
Signature move- Jumps on to the table and celebrates wildly after draining the first cup of every match.
Quote-"At least I'm not Lane Kffin."
Nickname- The Double Fister




2. Lane Kiffin - Tennessee

Tale of the tape.

Age- 34
Birthplace- Bloomington, MN
Claim to fame- Absolutely nothing.
Signature move- Pisses off every single one of his opponents before the match even starts.
Quote-"I'm gonna turn Urban Meyer in right now. He blocked my attempt to bounce my ball into his cup. Just to let you know, that's cheating.
Nickname- Lame Chugger



3. Bob Stoops - Oklahoma

Tale of the tape.

Age- 48
Birthplace- Youngstown, OH
Claim to fame- One national championship and 26 straight BCS appearances.
Signature move- Wins every single match with a tiebreaker.
Quote-"Why would I design a defense to stop the Statue of Liberty? That play will never come up."
Nickname- Beer Me


4. Charlie Weis - Notre Dame

Tale of the tape.

Age- 53
Birthplace- Butter
Claim to fame- "Architect" of the New England Patriots' offense.
Signature move- Disorients opponents with his body odor and engulfs any wayward ping pong balls that come near his cups.
Quote- "I'm telling you, I am a genius. You gotta believe me!"
Nickname- Lightweight




5. Rich Rodriguez - Michigan

Tale of the tape.

Age- 46
Birthplace- Grant Town, WV
Claim to fame- Led Michigan to their worst record in 206 years of football.
Signature move- Wipes the sweat off of his brow with bright red wristbands while calmly draining shots.
Quote-"Give me my money!"
Nickname - Appalachian Swigger



6. Bobby Bowden - Florida St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 107
Birthplace- Pangaea
Claim to fame- Two national championships and a lifetime of quotes.
Signature move- The Pongrooskie
Quote-"Well Daggummit. I can't follow this her darned thing."
Nickname- The Wonderkid.




7. Steve Kragthorpe - Louisville
Tale of the tape.

Age- 44
Birthplace- Missoula, MT
Claim to fame- Completely bombing the Louisville program.
Signature move- Gets in way over his head and hangs on for dear life.
Quote- "I'm not in Tulsa anymore."
Nickname- Stevie Kegstand






8. Mike Riley - Oregon St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 56
Birthplace- Wallace, ID
Claim to fame- Annually ruining the national title hopes of a PAC-10 team.
Signature move- Surprises his opponents with his cunning ability to dominate the beer pong table. Always lets the other guy back in, but nails the game winning cup in overtime.
Quote-"No, no, no, no, no. I'm the OTHER Mike Riley."
Nickname- The Malice From Corvallis

5 Gator games I would love to see.

Every year the University of Florida football schedule includes the usual non conference pansies and SEC death matches. Every once in a while, Florida will play some BCS non conference opponents other than Florida St., this season the Miami Hurricanes come into the Swamp.

So I got to thinking which teams would provide Florida Gator fans with a dream match-up. Unless the Gators get one of these teams in the national championship this year, these match-ups will be strictly fantasy.

Here is my top 5 wish list for games I would love to see.

1.

Florida vs. Oklahoma

Florida vs Oklahoma would be a tremendous game to watch, unless it were a bowl game, then we all know Oklahoma would blow it. OU's head man Bob Stoops was once a top assistant for the 'Ol Ball Coach down in Gainesville. Stoops took over the Sooner program and has since returned the team to national prominence. Back when Spurrier left the Gators, Stoops was Jeremy Foley's top choice to take over the program. However, Stoops decided to stay in Norman and the Gators eventually hired another former assistant in Ron Zook. It would be interesting to see Stoops take on his old team in the Swamp. Bobby could explain to his players all day what it's like to play at Ben Hill Griffin, but they still won't be ready for the atmosphere.

2.

Florida vs. West Virginia

Florida vs West Virginia would probably be one of the most exciting games of all time. On one team you have Pat White, Noel Devine and Tito Gonzalez. On the other you have Tim Tebow, Percy Harvin and Chris Rainey. It would be interesting to see which QB out of Tebow and White would have a better day running the ball. It just might be a battle between the two to see who could score the most touchdowns. Also, the legend of Chris Rainey racing Noel Devine in a supermarket parking lot while the two were in high school has grown to historic proportions. Before the contest, they should have the two race in front of the entire crowd. Imagine all the jukes and moves you would see during the game between the two of them. I would like to see the Gators travel to Morgantown for this one.

3.

Florida vs. USC

Florida vs USC would be a game of historic proportions. The two schools battle it out every year for the top recruiting class in the nation. With this game, the teams will actually get to decide the battle ON the field. Pete Carroll and Urban Meyer are often considered the top 2 coaches in CFB, so it would be quite interesting to see the two go head to head. Florida's high powered offense vs USC's stout defense would come down to a test of wills. I wouldn't mind the Gators making a cross country trip to L.A. to play the Trojans. Perhaps we could introduce a few of the players to Hollywood.

4.

Florida vs. Notre Dame

I would like to see Florida vs Notre Dame just to watch the Gators beat the living shit out of the Irish. For some reason, Notre Dame fans really hold a grudge against the Gators. Perhaps this is because their "golden boy" Urban Meyer decided to come to Gainesville instead of South Bend. Really, can you blame him? I bet Charlie Weis wishes Meyer would have took the Irish job now. I want nothing more than the Gators to walk into South Bend and whip Notre Dame.

5.

Florida vs. Texas

Florida vs Texas would be a really interesting match-up to see. If this game were to take place this season, I'm pretty sure the Gators would be able to handle the Longhorns. But in any given year, Mack Brown's bunch is a threat to go all the way. These two fan bases are both extremely passionate about their respective teams. That's why I would like to see this game played at a neutral site. Perhaps the Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans. They could divide the tickets evenly. I think it would be great to see Gator and Longhorn fans going back and forth at each other.

I can't wait to get my copy of NCAA '09 so I can play all of these games out. Of course, since I am the G.O.A.T. in NCAA, the Gators will win them all.

Countdown: 82 Days!

82 Days

TE Martin Rucker and the Missouri Tigers are favorites to once again win the Big XII North. Of course all this means is that Missouri gets the honor of being the sacrificial lamb that's offered to the South champion (Oklahoma.) Hopefully I'm wrong about this because I like Missouri and I really can't stand Oklahoma or Bob Stoops. I still blame Stoops for the ass awful hiring of the Zooker. Then again, if Stoops took over at UF, the Gators might not have won a bowl game in the last 7 years.