Playoffs?!?!?!? Who's talking about playoffs?!?!?!?

Several college commissioners have come out of the wood works recently to beat down the notion of a playoff system in CFB.

Here's what some notable conference commissioners said when asked about the idea of a playoff system being implemented in the near future:

BIG EAST COMMISSIONER MIKE TRANGHESE: "I have not seen anything that works unless you do things that presidents aren't going to accept. Presidents are not going to allow a football playoff to venture into the second semester, deep into the second semester. They're not going to allow football playoffs to take place during exams. And they're not going to start playing football early in August. ... I find it interesting because I hear football coaches say we ought to have a four-team playoff, I mean, don't insult my intelligence. Once there's a four-team playoff there will be an 8-team playoff. Once there's an 8, there will be a 16."

Translation: No playoffs until school presidents get the used douche bags removed from their anus.

MOUNTAIN WEST'S CRAIG THOMPSON: "Everybody says a playoff. And my coaches and administrators included. And I said — what are you talking about? Are you talking about an 8-team playoff and is the Mountain West guaranteed one of the eight berths? It's easy to say you're in favor of a playoff, but if you don't know what the format is, I can't say unequivocally, 'Heck, yeah, let's have a playoff.'"

Translation: My conference sucks balls. You know it and I know it.

SEC'S ROY KRAMER: "Not in my lifetime. I don't see much support for it nationally. I don't see any overwhelming sentiment nationally to move in that direction. And the Pac-10 and Big Ten don't have any interest in it and I don't see that changing."

Translation: The Big 10 and PAC 10 is made up of a bunch of pussies. I can't wait to die so I can kick their grandfather's asses in hell.

Here's what some commissioners said when approached with the idea of conference expansion:

ACC'S JOHN SWOFFORD: "I think in terms of our league, we're probably rather stable for a good while to come. I don't think we currently have any interest in being any larger than 12. You get beyond that, it becomes a more difficult enterprise to manage and scheduling becomes even more complicated."

Translation: We suck enough with 12 teams. Why dilute that suckiness with more shitty programs?

TRANGHESE: "Well, there aren't four schools back that would make the football league any better in my view. Now if you said to me, pick any four schools, I could make us a lot better. But those schools are currently playing in other leagues. And I think schools that are available who have expressed a desire to be here I just don't think collectively make us any better. And I'm not one that believes having a football [championship game] is necessarily the right thing."

Translation: We don't want no shitty ass teams stinking up our league. We already have Syracuse for that.

This was an interesting moment when the debate between the ACC and Big East was brought up:

TRANGHESE: "You know what, people have really tried to engage me in conversation about the ACC and I've lasted five years without it, so I'm going to make it one more year."

Translation: Bring it Bitches!

SWOFFORD: "Well, first of all, I don't think you measure a conference totally on what you do in the BCS games. You know, the only way to rectify that is to win some of them. ... I think what we've done league-wise is put ourselves in a position to be stronger than we've ever been before and play at the very top level at a consistent basis."

Translation: We get paid just to PLAY in the BCS. Who care about actually winning the games?

When asked a general question about change in CFB's near future, here's what was said:

TRANGHESE: "I don't think anybody knows — that's the challenge. Put it this way, [look at] the last 15 years. And go back to '90, let's say the last 18 years. ... Penn State leaves and goes to the Big Ten. Florida State loses its independent status and goes to the ACC. The SEC expands. The Big East takes on football. The Southwest Conference goes away. The Big 12 realigns. I mean, if you went to sleep in 1990 and you woke up today, you'd be overwhelmed by it all. I'd like to think that because of the size of the leagues, that generally speaking, we're done with expansion."

Translation: Do you expect Rosie O' Donnell to get any fatter before she croaks?

C-USA'S BRITTON BANOWSKY: "I do think we're in a period of relative stability right now and I think the challenges and some of the difficulty that people experienced going through the last time, the last round of realignment, has caused folks to carefully consider making moves before they make them. And so I think that's helping us right now kind of get traction with our current alignments, get our branding mechanisms in place and really grow."

Translation: We already crashed and burned with the Army experiment. I'm not in any hurry to screw up royally again.

SWOFFORD: "History would tell us that in college athletics that at some point, there may be other shifts that are coming. ... I think we're probably in a reasonably stable period. Ultimately down the road, anther decade, another two decades, history would tell us maybe there'll be some movement again."

Translation: I'm gay and I'm in to water sports....

The top 25 players: C-USA

Now we delve into the lower levels of D-1 football. It's time to take a look at the top players from the non-BCS conferences.

First off, I'll start with Conference USA.

Since no one really gives a damn about these schools, I'll only provide a synopsis of the top 10. If you would like more info on a player in the 11-25 range, then I suggest you e-mail said player and tell him to start kicking ass so I will talk about him.

1. Jarret Dillard - Rice WR - Not only is Dillard by far the best receiver in C-USA, he is among the best receivers in the nation. It's a shame this guy plays for such a shitty team. Todd Bailiff has a lot to work with in Dillard and QB Chase Clement.

2. Damion Fletcher - Southern Miss RB - Some people have said that Fletcher is the best player at any position in the non-BCS conferences. I don't know about all that, but Fletcher is definitely something special. He's one of a few weapons new HC Larry Fedora will have at his disposal.

3. Joe Burnett - Central Florida DB - Burnett is the top defensive player in C-USA. He was often overlooked last season due to the play of teammate Kevin Smith. Now Burnett is the star of this Knights team and he's ready to have a breakout year.

4. Brennan Marion - Tulsa WR - This guy had some pretty gaudy numbers at the receiver position last year. His talent should allow him to continue to play at a high level despite the departure of QB Paul Smith.

5. Gerald McGrath - Southern Miss LB - McGrath might be the most feared defender in the conference. He brings a big mean streak to a position that really needs it.

6. Trae Johnson - Tulsa WR - Johnson, along with Marion, gives the Golden Hurricane one of the most dynamic receiving tandems in the country. Tulsa should once again make it to the C-USA championship game. This season, they should win it.

7. Joe Henderson - UAB LB - Henderson is one of the few bright spots on a very bad Blazer team. UAB should once again be at the bottom of the conference. Which is a shame because no one will get a chance to see this kid play.

8. Duke Calhoun - Memphis WR - I've mentioned before that Calhoun is somewhat of an enigma. Tommy West never knows which Calhoun he's going to get. If he gets the one that plays to his potential, he has perhaps a top 10 receiver in the nation.

9. Chase Clement - Rice QB - The Owls suffered through a pretty horrible season last year. Todd Bailiff was able to put together some wins towards the end of the season. It will be up to Clement to carry the momentum over to this year.

10. Justin Willis - SMU QB - Willis' status on this Mustang team is up in the air right now. If he is available to play, he will thrive under the tutelage of new head coach June Jones. 5 of 6 wins is not out of reach for SMU this season.

The rest:

11. Tarrion Adams Tulsa RB
12. Cody Slate Marshall TE
13.Albert McClellan Marshall DL
14. Phillip Hunt Houston DL
15. Emmanuel Sanders SMU WR
16. Will Dunbar UAB DB
17. Darius Marshall Marshall RB
18. Trevor Vittatoe UTEP QB
19. Ell Ash Houston DL
20. Shawn Nelson Southern Miss TE
21. Johnell Neal Central Florida DB
22. Jeff Moturi UTEP WR
23. Ryan McKee Southern Miss OL
24. Zack Slate East Carolina DL
25. Quentin Cotton East Carolina LB