It's all in the name

The college football landscape is littered with some crazy team nicknames. I wanted to take some time out and break down a few of these names for you.

You're welcome.

1. Akron Zips - I don't know what a Zip has to do with a donkey. It's sort of like the Alabama Crimson Tide with an elephant mascot.
2. TCU Horned Frogs- The powers that be at TCU tried really hard to come up with a way to make a frog sound really intimidating.
3. Coastal Carolina Chanticleers- Chanticleer is the name of a rooster in a Canterbury fable. It is also a male chorus. Either way it's pretty gay.
4. Presbyterian Blue Hose- Man this nation really used to be obsessed with colored leggings.
5. South Dakota St. Jackrabbits- Whenever I hear the nickname for South Dakota St.'s football team, I immediately think of this porno I saw one time when...... Never mind.
6. Furman Paladins- A Paladin was an imperial guard in ancient Rome. They were like the rent-a-cops of the old days.
7. Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils- A Boll Weevil is a tiny beetle that feeds on cotton. Their main rivals are the Arkansas-Russelsville Silk Worms. They play for the annual Totally not dangerous but annoying as hell insect cup. The Boll Weevils dominate.
8. Arkansas Tech Wonder Boys- I love this nickname. Wonder Boy was my nickname from the age of 4 months to 2 years.
9. Southern Arkansas Mule Riders- What is up with Arkansas? I'm going to bypass that state form now on whenever I am driving. They suck.
10. Central Oklahoma Bronchos- COU student, "Forget your damn English and proper way of spelling things. Go Bronchs Beeeeyotch!"
11. Texas A&M-Kingsville Javelinas- A Javelina is basically a dirty pig. In other words, Kingsville have the same mascot as the Arkansas Razorbacks and the Charlie Weis family.
12. Washburn Ichabods- It's better than being the Jekylls, I guess....
13. Colorado St.-Pueblo Thunderwolves- How awesome is this nickname? They should have stopped allowing teams to come up with nicknames after this one. Kudos Pueblo, kudos.
14. Alfred Saxons- I've always admired teams that are named after a people from a certain region that have nothing to do with the area that the team is now in.
15. Massachusetts-Dartmouth Corsairs- Gay!
16. Amherst Lord Jeffs- Lord Jeff was a stone cold playa. That makes this name awesome.
17. Colby White Mules- Why do the mules gotta be white?
18. Tufts Jumbos- Rosie O'Donnell recently tried to sue Tufts for trademark infringement.
19. Williams Ephs- Ephraim Williams wishes he could be as cool as Lord Jeff.
20. Trinity Bantams- A bantam is a small chicken. Need I say more?
21. Rowan Profs- Awesome Owl mascot to go along with the baddest-Assed nickname in all the land.
22. Oberlin Yeomen-Basically a poor ass farmer.
23. Ohio Wesleyan Battling Bishops- Isn't this name sacrilegious or something?
24. Heidelberg Student Princes- Pleeeeaase change the name!
25. John Carroll Blue Streaks- Better than brown streaks.
26. Carnegie Mellon Tartans- A football team named after a skirt that Scottish people wear. There are sooo many thing wrong with that.
27. Chicago Maroons- One of my favorites.
28. Gettysburg Bullets- Why not the Gettysburg Suicide Charges, or Gettysburg Adresses?
29. Gustavus Adolphus Gusties- Sounds extremely gay.
30. Whittier Poets- See above.
31. Wisconsin-Eau Clarie Bluegolds- The compromise to end all compromises. John Taylor and Jesse Thomas would be proud
32. Jamestown Jimmies- I know what jimmy is slang for....
33. South Dakota School of Mines Hardrockers- "Motoring!!!!! What's your price for flight!!!!"
34. Southwestern Moundbuilders- This is just dumb.