CFB 365 Beer Pong Torunament

Beer pong and college football. Has there ever been two things that went together so nicely? Not since peanut butter and jelly or Phil Fulmer and stretch pants have two entities come together and created one magnificent spectacle.

I've decided to exploit this fact by starting a beer pong tournament, CFB365 style. The tournament will consist of 16 prominent BCS coaches divided into two brackets. I wanted to do one with the players, but we don't condone underage drinking here at 365 (officially anyways...).

The tournament will commence tomorrow. For now, let's meet the competitors.

The "I Need 10 Cups So They Don't Runeth Over" Division


1. Urban Meyer- Florida.

Tale of the tape.
Age- 45
Birthplace- Ashtabula, OH
Claim to fame- Won 2 national championships in first 4 years at Florida.
Signature move- Calls timeout when ahead 8 cups to 2 to give his opponent plenty of time to contemplate their inevitable defeat. Then calmly drains the last 2 cups.
Quote- " You'd be nuts not to root for me."
Nickname- Head Ponger In Charge



2. Nick Saban - Alabama

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- Hell
Claim to fame- Became the head coach of Bama merely minutes after refuting reports he was leaving the Miami Dolphins.
Signature move- Convinces opponent he will not play against them. As soon as they let their guard down, he attacks!
Quote- "I will not play in this tournament. I'm telling you right now. Never, ever."
Nickname- Honest Nicky



3. Pete Carroll - USC

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- San Francisco, CA
Claim to fame- 1 1/2 national championships.
Signature move- He has the rest of the PAC-10 hold his side cup when it's his turn to shoot.
Quote- "Win forever....at beer pong!"
Nickname- West Coast Pong Dude



4. Les Miles - LSU

Tale of the tape.

Age- 55
Birthplace- Elyria, OH
Claim to fame- Won national championship despite 2 losses.
Signature move- With only one cup needed to win, Miles will still attempt to bounce the ball in just for shits and giggles.
Quote- " What the hell, go for it!"
Nickname- The Beer Pong Gambler



5. Mack Brown - Texas

Tale of the tape.

Age- 57
Birthplace- Cookeville, TN
Claim to fame- Rode Vince Young's manic depressive legs to a national championship.
Signature move- He finds one toss he likes early and sticks with it. No matter what, he keeps doing it over and over.
Quote- "Drink 'Em"
Nickname- The Solo Cup Destroyer



6. Jim Tressel - Ohio St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 56
Birthplace- Mentor, OH
Claim to fame- Won one national championship with the Buckeyes, and he only needed a little help from the refs.
Signature move- Slowly wears down his opponent by methodically draining every cup in order and playing good defense.
Quote- "What the hell does a spread offense mean?"
Nickname- The Vested Ponger




7. Joe Paterno - Penn St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 109
Birthplace- Brooklyn, NY
Claim to Fame- The all time winningnest coach in college football history.
Signature move- Watches the whole match from the side while his assistants do all the work.
Quote- "Beer pong was way more fun during prohibition."
Nickname- JoePong



8. Randy Shannon - Miami

Tale of the tape.

Age- 43
Birthplace- Miami, FL
Claim to fame- Crying incessantly after Urban Meyer kicked a late field goal in last year's Gators victory.
Signature move- Bad mouths opponents after each and every loss.
Quote- "Everybody in this tournament is a classless dirtbag."
Nickname- Tears For Beers.


The "I Just Need An Excuse To Drink" Division.


1. Mark Richt - Georgia

Tale of the tape.

Age- 49
Birthplace- Omaha, NE
Claim to fame- Severely pissing off Urban Meyer.
Signature move- Jumps on to the table and celebrates wildly after draining the first cup of every match.
Quote-"At least I'm not Lane Kffin."
Nickname- The Double Fister




2. Lane Kiffin - Tennessee

Tale of the tape.

Age- 34
Birthplace- Bloomington, MN
Claim to fame- Absolutely nothing.
Signature move- Pisses off every single one of his opponents before the match even starts.
Quote-"I'm gonna turn Urban Meyer in right now. He blocked my attempt to bounce my ball into his cup. Just to let you know, that's cheating.
Nickname- Lame Chugger



3. Bob Stoops - Oklahoma

Tale of the tape.

Age- 48
Birthplace- Youngstown, OH
Claim to fame- One national championship and 26 straight BCS appearances.
Signature move- Wins every single match with a tiebreaker.
Quote-"Why would I design a defense to stop the Statue of Liberty? That play will never come up."
Nickname- Beer Me


4. Charlie Weis - Notre Dame

Tale of the tape.

Age- 53
Birthplace- Butter
Claim to fame- "Architect" of the New England Patriots' offense.
Signature move- Disorients opponents with his body odor and engulfs any wayward ping pong balls that come near his cups.
Quote- "I'm telling you, I am a genius. You gotta believe me!"
Nickname- Lightweight




5. Rich Rodriguez - Michigan

Tale of the tape.

Age- 46
Birthplace- Grant Town, WV
Claim to fame- Led Michigan to their worst record in 206 years of football.
Signature move- Wipes the sweat off of his brow with bright red wristbands while calmly draining shots.
Quote-"Give me my money!"
Nickname - Appalachian Swigger



6. Bobby Bowden - Florida St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 107
Birthplace- Pangaea
Claim to fame- Two national championships and a lifetime of quotes.
Signature move- The Pongrooskie
Quote-"Well Daggummit. I can't follow this her darned thing."
Nickname- The Wonderkid.




7. Steve Kragthorpe - Louisville
Tale of the tape.

Age- 44
Birthplace- Missoula, MT
Claim to fame- Completely bombing the Louisville program.
Signature move- Gets in way over his head and hangs on for dear life.
Quote- "I'm not in Tulsa anymore."
Nickname- Stevie Kegstand






8. Mike Riley - Oregon St.

Tale of the tape.

Age- 56
Birthplace- Wallace, ID
Claim to fame- Annually ruining the national title hopes of a PAC-10 team.
Signature move- Surprises his opponents with his cunning ability to dominate the beer pong table. Always lets the other guy back in, but nails the game winning cup in overtime.
Quote-"No, no, no, no, no. I'm the OTHER Mike Riley."
Nickname- The Malice From Corvallis

Remembering Bernie Mac: CFB Style

I'm sure you know by now that comedic legend Bernie Mac passed away Friday. One of the original "Kings of Comedy", I thought it best to do a memorial to the man.

Besides, Bernie Mac was funny as hell!


I've decided to do a little word association with Bernie Mac's movie titles. Below is a list of Bernie's movies. I have listed an aspect of college football that I think fits in well with the title.




Old Dogs - Joe Paterno & Bobby Bowden.
The buzz is growing stronger and stronger around these two legendary coaches' future. Bowden has already stated that he is not going anywhere until he rights the ship at Florida St. Paterno, on the other hand, hasn't really given a definitive statement on his future. This has led to a lot of talk concerning his potential replacements.

Soul Man - Tim Tebow.
The returning Heisman Trophy winner may have more soul than just about anyone else in college football. When he's not running over SEC linebackers, Tebow is busy performing circumcisions while on missions.

Transformers - Clemson.
It's always hard to predict which Clemson team will be showing up on a week to week basis. Some games, the Tigers look like the best team in America. Some games, Clemson looks like the biggest collection of douche jockeys known to man.

Ocean's Thirteen - Nate Davis.
This Ball St. QB could be a Heisman dark horse this season. With Dante Love to throw the ball to, Davis should put up some pretty big numbers. He will be competing with Dan LeFevour of Central Michigan all year for top billing among MAC QB's.

Pride - Temple.
Pride was a movie about some Philly teenagers that fought for every inch of respect they received. The same can be said for Temple this year. They will have to build upon last year's successes to earn the respect of people everywhere.

Guess Who - BYU.
BYU is the favorite to crash the BCS party this season. The Cougars play Washington and UCLA in non-conference games this year. If they can get through that part of the schedule unscathed, they could very well run the table in the Mountain West and gain a BCS bowl berth.

Ocean's Twelve - Colt McCoy.
All eyes in Austin will be on Colt McCoy this season. The success of the Longhorns is pretty much riding on McCoy's arm. He struggled a bit early last season, but seemed to pick it up towards the end of the year. We'll see if he can continue that form.

Mr. 3000 - Percy Harvin.
I know it will never happen, but Percy Harvin has a better chance of anybody of combining for 3,000 yards receiving and rushing. Harvin will get even more attention from Tebow now that Cornelius Ingram is lost for the season. Also, no matter how many running backs the Gators have, Urban Meyer will still not be able to resist getting the ball to Percy in the backfield.

Bad Santa - South Florida.
The Bulls have an excellent chance of playing Bad Santa to West Virginia this season. The two teams meet on December 6th. I expect West Virginia to be in the thick of the title race by then. However, just like the Pittsburgh game last season, the Mountaineers will falter vs the Bulls.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - Notre Dame.
Charlie's Weis' bunch will be going full throttle for him this season. The Irish will be trying to forget a disastrous 2007. Unfortunately for Notre Dame, I expect them to be just about as bad.

Head of State - Jim Tressel.
Jim Tressel will be looking to lead his Ohio St. Buckeyes back to the BCS Championship for the third straight season. Of course, Tressel will be praying that another SEC team doesn't make it back there with him.

Ocean's Eleven - Hawaii's Defense.
In a complete reversal of past seasons, the Hawaii Warriors will be relying almost exclusively on their defense this season. Unfortunately for Hawaii, the eleven men on defense won't be enough to avoid a losing season this year.

What's the Worse That Could Happen - LSU vs. Appalachian St.
Michigan was asking itself this very same question going into last season's opener. The Mountaineers provided a very loud answer to the Wolverine's question. Will LSU receive the same kind of answer this season?

Life - Rich Rodriguez.
Double R will be starting year 1 of his lifetime ban from the state of West Virginia this year. I'm sure Rodriguez is disappointed he can't step foot back in that shit dump of a state.

The Players Club - Georgia.
A movie about a bunch of thugs getting into all kinds of trouble? Sounds like a documentary about the Georgia football program to me.

How To Be A Player - Mark Richt.
Someone's gotta teach those ass clowns how to behave like a Bulldog.

BAPS - BCS.
Confusing initials that lead to hours of boringness. That sums up both the movie BAPS and the BCS.

Booty Call - Houston Nutt.
We'll see if Nutt can control himself at his new position this season. I feel sorry for him because the level of talent in Oxford is far greater that Fayetteville.

Get On The Bus - Jorvorskie Lane.
Texas A&M will be relying on Lane's broad shoulders and his running mate Mike Goodson to lead them back to a bowl game. New coach Mike Sherman will try to find more ways to get the ball into Lane's hands this season.

Don't Be A Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In the Hood - Mark Sanchez.
Now that Sanchez is the man at USC, he'll need to try harder to stay out of trouble. Mitch Mustain will be praying Sanchez slips up.

Reasons - Greg Robinson.
I still don't know the reasons why Greg Robinson is still the head coach at Syracuse. Hopefully this is the last year of Robinson's tenure of shittiness.

Friday - Louisville, Boise St., & Fresno St.
ESPN will be showing a boat load of Friday night games this season. Louisville, Boise St. and Fresno St. will all make 3 appearances on Friday night. This is more than any other schools.

The Walking Dead - Idaho.
The Vandals are terrible. That's all I got.

Above The Rim - Kansas.
As soon as there was talk about Lawrence becoming a football town, the basketball team had to go and win a national title. Todd Reesing and the football Jayhawks will try to take back some of that thunder this season.

House Party 3 - SEC.
The SEC will be looking to make it 3 national champions in 3 years. The favorites are Georgia, Florida and LSU. Auburn has a chance, and Tennessee is a very big long shot.

Who's The Man - Andrew Hatch & Jarret Lee.
These two QB's will be vying for playing time at LSU. Hatch is the favorite to start opening day for the Bayou Bengals. However, I don't expect the Harvard transfer to keep Lee on the bench for long.

Mo' Money - Nick Saban.
I really could have went with any coach from the SEC, but it's always fun to pick on this dingleberry. Saban looks to lead the Tide to a more respectable record this season. With the recent motivation provided by Les Miles, the SEC West could get very interesting this season.