It's all in the name

The college football landscape is littered with some crazy team nicknames. I wanted to take some time out and break down a few of these names for you.

You're welcome.

1. Akron Zips - I don't know what a Zip has to do with a donkey. It's sort of like the Alabama Crimson Tide with an elephant mascot.
2. TCU Horned Frogs- The powers that be at TCU tried really hard to come up with a way to make a frog sound really intimidating.
3. Coastal Carolina Chanticleers- Chanticleer is the name of a rooster in a Canterbury fable. It is also a male chorus. Either way it's pretty gay.
4. Presbyterian Blue Hose- Man this nation really used to be obsessed with colored leggings.
5. South Dakota St. Jackrabbits- Whenever I hear the nickname for South Dakota St.'s football team, I immediately think of this porno I saw one time when...... Never mind.
6. Furman Paladins- A Paladin was an imperial guard in ancient Rome. They were like the rent-a-cops of the old days.
7. Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils- A Boll Weevil is a tiny beetle that feeds on cotton. Their main rivals are the Arkansas-Russelsville Silk Worms. They play for the annual Totally not dangerous but annoying as hell insect cup. The Boll Weevils dominate.
8. Arkansas Tech Wonder Boys- I love this nickname. Wonder Boy was my nickname from the age of 4 months to 2 years.
9. Southern Arkansas Mule Riders- What is up with Arkansas? I'm going to bypass that state form now on whenever I am driving. They suck.
10. Central Oklahoma Bronchos- COU student, "Forget your damn English and proper way of spelling things. Go Bronchs Beeeeyotch!"
11. Texas A&M-Kingsville Javelinas- A Javelina is basically a dirty pig. In other words, Kingsville have the same mascot as the Arkansas Razorbacks and the Charlie Weis family.
12. Washburn Ichabods- It's better than being the Jekylls, I guess....
13. Colorado St.-Pueblo Thunderwolves- How awesome is this nickname? They should have stopped allowing teams to come up with nicknames after this one. Kudos Pueblo, kudos.
14. Alfred Saxons- I've always admired teams that are named after a people from a certain region that have nothing to do with the area that the team is now in.
15. Massachusetts-Dartmouth Corsairs- Gay!
16. Amherst Lord Jeffs- Lord Jeff was a stone cold playa. That makes this name awesome.
17. Colby White Mules- Why do the mules gotta be white?
18. Tufts Jumbos- Rosie O'Donnell recently tried to sue Tufts for trademark infringement.
19. Williams Ephs- Ephraim Williams wishes he could be as cool as Lord Jeff.
20. Trinity Bantams- A bantam is a small chicken. Need I say more?
21. Rowan Profs- Awesome Owl mascot to go along with the baddest-Assed nickname in all the land.
22. Oberlin Yeomen-Basically a poor ass farmer.
23. Ohio Wesleyan Battling Bishops- Isn't this name sacrilegious or something?
24. Heidelberg Student Princes- Pleeeeaase change the name!
25. John Carroll Blue Streaks- Better than brown streaks.
26. Carnegie Mellon Tartans- A football team named after a skirt that Scottish people wear. There are sooo many thing wrong with that.
27. Chicago Maroons- One of my favorites.
28. Gettysburg Bullets- Why not the Gettysburg Suicide Charges, or Gettysburg Adresses?
29. Gustavus Adolphus Gusties- Sounds extremely gay.
30. Whittier Poets- See above.
31. Wisconsin-Eau Clarie Bluegolds- The compromise to end all compromises. John Taylor and Jesse Thomas would be proud
32. Jamestown Jimmies- I know what jimmy is slang for....
33. South Dakota School of Mines Hardrockers- "Motoring!!!!! What's your price for flight!!!!"
34. Southwestern Moundbuilders- This is just dumb.

All-Time greatest CFB helmets

If you're like me, you're totally awesome and your shit doesn't stink. Also, you like a good helmet design. I was looking through some old helmets and I accumulated my all-time favorite college football helmets.

I left the Gators off because even though I feel their helmet is the greatest ever I know I am blinded by bias. So enjoy this list and petition the schools involved to revert back to some of the old styles.

These are in no particular order.

I hate Notre Dame, and I really don't like Irish people, but even I know this helmet design kicks total ass. Notre Dame stopped sucking from 1959-1962 to wear these helmets. I'm sure they changed back because all of the pansy ass traditionalists wanted to switch back to the plain boring gold design.

I still don't like Auburn, and I still think their logo is weak. But that orange face mask with the lighter shade of blue stripe makes the helmet design pretty sweet.

Hawaii may have had one of the worse nicknames ever with the Rainbow Warriors, but that didn't stop them from sporting this sweet ass helmet design from 1978-1981. Yeah there's a rainbow on the helmet, which should never be allowed in football, but hey, it was the 70's.

Virginia rocked the shit out of this helmet design from 1982-1983. Personally I don't see how something this awesome only lasted 2 years. The state of Virginia always produces some top-notch uniformage (yeah I just made that word up but it's a pretty bad-ass word, I'm on the phone with Webster's now.) The Virginia Squires have one of my all-time favorite basketball uniforms and the Washington Redskins throwbacks were sweet, that is until the Seminoles absolutely jacked their idea. Bitches....



Long Beach State's football program is now defunct. Clearly it wasn't because of these shit-handling helmets. This design was worn from 1986-1991. I might be a little partial to this design because I'm a San Francisco 49ers fan. I think the NFL 'Niners should change their color schemes and switch to these bad boys.



Growing up in Louisiana I always wanted to go to Grambling. It was mainly because of their helmets and uniforms. Black, Red and Yellow?! That is some hardcore gangsternator shit. Of course all my hopes and dreams of attending Grambling were crushed when my dad informed me it was a historically black school and I was not black. Both came as devastating blows to my aspirations.



Eastern Michigan sported this helmet design from 1967-1975. The then Eastern Michigan AD felt that the helmets were too awesome for the schools shitty on-field performance. He therefore retired this design in favor of the boring ass logo that was to define the program from there on out. I really don't know what the design on this helmet is. It looks like a picture riddle. If you look at it like this it's an E. However, when you turn the helmet (or when an EMU player was knocked on his ass) the design suddenly became a M. Clever.



The Memphis Tigers wore this helmet during the 1988 and 1989 seasons. I really don't know why I like this helmet that much. I think it's because it looks like a design I could come up with. When I was younger, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers had a contest to create their new unis. I made a helmet that looked like this except there was a T instead of a Tiger. I got a letter from the NFL saying my design was too good to be ruined by being placed on the side of some jackass Buccaneer player's head. My draft is now in the Smithsonian at the weapons of mass destruction exhibit.


All of my friend's hated this helmet design when the Aztecs unveiled it in 2002. I think it's a good design. I like how the black fades into the red of the helmet. It's too bad San Diego St. had to compete with the all time greatest football unis, the powder blue Chargers, because this design was overlooked.





I'm not too big on the traditional plain helmet designs. However, Washington's helmet is my favorite current helmet in college football. The purple W on top of the gold paint just looks fresh. That's fresh in a pimp kinda way.


Louisiana-Lafayette groin kicked the competition in the late 80's to mid 90's with this helmet design. Of course, back then the program was known as Southwestern Louisiana. I'm a little partial to this helmet because I'm Cajun. Everyone knows about the Irish football team, few know about the Cajun one. I don't like the fact that ULL added the Ragin' to their helmet. This implies that Cajuns can't spell and are always pissed off. These are both true for the most part, but I just don't like it being implied by a helmet.


Richmond used this script design from 1989-1994. The Spiders now rock possibly one of the worse helmets in CFB with that stupid little spider design. This script design was pretty cool because it make you think, If a spider could write, I bet he would write like that.

For more helmet design check this out

The pageantry that is college football- Top 10 CFB Intros

College football is built around tradition. The history of a certain program is often the deciding factor to get a recruit to commit to one program over another.

Every school has it's own certain tradition, especially as it pertains to the way the team enters the field. I have my personal favorite intros and you are about to be blessed by me sharing them with you.

Not included are newer pre-game intros like the ducking of automatic gunfire at USC games or dodging bodies of Michigan fans leaping from the top of the Big House.

Here are the best.

1.Clemson- Howard's Rock and The Hill. I feel that LSU should pay a little compensation to Clemson for everytime they use Death Valley to describe their home. Clemson's Death Valley is the original and it has a lot more tradition. I can't think of one school receiving so many commitments based on it's game day intro. Whenever a new recruit is interviewed he often say he came to Clemson to have the opportunity to touch Howard's Rock and run down The Hill.

2.Auburn- War Eagle. Every game before the players are introduced, an Auburn staff member comes out to midfield and releases an eagle. This eagle majestically soars over the crowd. It seems the bird is able to make a whole lap around the stadium without once flapping it's wings, making it all the more memorable. This sight is made even more special with the sound of thousands of crazed rednecks being worked up into a frenzy. It's SEC tradition at it's finest.

3.Nebraska- Tunnel Walk. Nebraska's tunnel walk is very simple. What makes it special is the fact that the Cornhuskers were the first school to utilize video on the jumbo tron to show the team making it's way to the field. This build up the anticipation and adds to the hysteria surround Memorial Stadium leading up to kick off, (at least it used to.)

4.Navy/Army- The March. Before every Navy or Army game the Midshipmen or Cadets march to their seats by making their way through the field. This gives the crowd a chance to show the respect that these young men and women deserve. This site is all the more special before the annual Army/Navy game as Cadets and Midshipmen cross the field at the same time.

5.Colorado- The Running of Ralphie. Colorado uses it's live mascot better than any other school in the nation. Before every game, Ralphie and his his team of 6 handlers race around the stadium. Sure sometimes the handlers get trampled and sometimes suffer life threatening injuries, but it is all worth it!

6.Ohio St.- Dotting the I. I don't like Ohio St. all that much so I'm a little biased when I say that I don't really see the big deal behind this. However, I am in the very small minority when it comes to this line of thinking. I might not understand it, but I can respect it. Dotting the I is a great tradition and is one of the many things that makes college football so great.

7.Florida- Heeeeeeeeerrrreee Come the Gators!. The Florida football intro blends a few aspects together that make it special. First, there is a video of Gators hunting pray in the Swamp. This is accompanied by the Jaws theme music. At the end of the video, the crowd hears a voice that say, "Welcome to the Swamp, where only Gators get out alive." This is met with wild cheers and the announcement of "Heeeeeeeeeerrrrrrreeee come the Gators!" The team then runs out onto the field through an F and over to their sideline. A-MA-ZING!

8.Florida St.- The Flaming Spear. No, this has nothing to do with Chief Osceola's sexual orientation. Before every game, the Chief rides onto the field on his trusty steed, Renegade, carrying a spear that is lit on fire. This fear is then thrust into the Seminole logo on mid-field. This symbolizes that you are on Seminole territory and you are trespassing. Unfortunately, these Seminoles are having trouble as of late protecting their territory.

9.Tennessee- Running Through the T. This intro would be a lot higher on the list if it wasn't accompanied by the worst combined sounds known to humanity. This of course, is the crap fest that Vols fans like to call Rocky Top. If, you're not sick of it at first, I promise you will be the 476th time you hear it midway through the second quarter.

10.Ole Miss- Looking at the Coeds.- I've always stated that Ole Miss has the best collection of hot females anywhere on this planet. What better time to take in these sights than at a hot-weather football game? If this had anything to do with the actual football game it might have been number 1 on the list.