Gators in trouble

During the Zooker's tenure, it was unsafe for women and children to venture outside their homes in Gainesville. Gainesvillians lived in constant fear of a Gator football player, and even the Zooker himself, popping out of the shadows to do all kinds of bodily harm.

When Urban Meyer came to town, everyone expected the Gator program to clean up it's act. Despite a few hiccups, Meyer has done just that. Unfortunately for Meyer and the UF coaching staff, the hiccups are usually pretty big. (See Jamar Hornsby)

One thing I have criticized Meyer for was allowing offensive linemen Ronnie Wilson back onto the Gator football team. I understand he paid his way back into college, but he was still a grade A douchebag. Wilson actually pulled out an automatic rifle and fired it into the air to scare some club goers in downtown Gainesville. After he was kicked off the team, he apparently changed his ways and Meyer let him back on. A few weeks ago, Wilson was kicked off the team for a second, and hopefully final time, after he punched a man, a woman, a kid, a school bus driver, a philodendron, and a JVC boombox. Wilson is still facing some legal action from his night of wildness and dumbassedness.

Fuck up #1:

I've always liked Jacques Rickerson. I actually hung out with some of his family members before a game once. They were all very nice people and I assumed their son was raised in a similar manner. It helped that Rickerson often performed rather well when he saw the playing field.

Now reports are coming out that Rickerson got into a domestic altercation with his girlfriend. This was no regular argument. During the dispute, Rickerson proceeded to strangle his girlfriend. When he felt that wasn't enough, he forced her onto the bed where he strangled her some more and placed a pillow over her head. Then, when his lady friend tried to leave the room, good 'ol Jacques grabbed her and refused to let her go.

Physical violence against a woman should never be tolerated. If Urban the Great doesn't immediately kick this ass clown off the team, I will renounce my Gator fan hood and return my degree to the University. Right now, we don't need one of those "we're waiting on all the facts" quotes from Meyer. The coaching staff needs to act now and get rid of this kid.

Fuck up #2:

All Suspended/Dismissed team

If you're a college athlete these days, it seems to be all the rage to go out and make a complete jackass out of yourself. Unfortunately for these morons, a suspension, or in severe cases, a dismissal from the team is a result.

These instances of tomfoolery seem to be more prevalent this year than in the past.

In honor of these grade A dumbasses, I've decided to make a team compiled completely of players that have been suspended or dismissed from their respective teams this upcoming season.


Offense

QB - Ryan Perrilloux - LSU - Dismissed
HB - Lance Smith - Wisconsin - Dismissed
HB - Leon Patton - Kansas St. - Susp. Indefinitely
WR - Josh Jarboe - Oklahoma - Dismissed
WR - JaJaun Spillman - Louisville - Dismissed
WR - Jeremy Childs - Boise St. - Susp. 1 Game
WR - Marques Wade - Arkansas - Susp. 2 Games
OL- Clint Boling - Georgia Tech - Susp. 1 Game
OL - Andy Christensen - Nebraska - Susp. Indefinitely
OL- Tyler Gray - UCLA - Susp. 4 Games
OL - Brandon Davis - Florida St. - Susp. 3 Games


Defense

DL - Brady Smith - Boston College - Dismissed
DL - John Gill - Northwestern - Susp. 1 Game
DL - Kevin Dixon - Nebraska - Dismissed
DL - Phillip Taylor- Penn St. -Dismissed
LB - Darius Dewberry - Georgia - Susp. 2 Games
LB - Jimmy Johns - Alabama - Dismissed
LB - Daniel Brooks - Tennessee - Dismissed
LB - Freddy Burton - Arkansas - Susp. 2 Games
DB - Jamar Hornsby - Florida - Dismissed
DB - Donovan Baldwin - Georgia - Susp. 1 Game
DB - Antonio Wardlow - Tennessee - Dismissed

Special Teams

P - Britton Colquitt - Tennessee - Susp. 5 Games
K - John Barker - Syracuse - Susp. Indefinitely
RS - Preston Parker - Florida St. - Susp. 2 Games

If you give me the guys on the list I guarantee you I will win some games. Of course, my program will be in the shits for letting a bunch of douche bags run wild, but isn't that what football's all about anyway?

Urban Meyer needs to know how gangsta is gangsta!

While giving a speech to a local Miami Gator Club, Urban Meyer began to vent a little bit.

Meyer has come under recent criticism for the perceived lack of discipline on the football team. This stems from the recent arrest of safety Jamar Hornsby and shooting of Matt Patchan. What most of the critics of the program fail to realize is that Hornsby was kicked off the team almost immediately following his transgressions, while Patchan was merely an innocent bystander in a Tampa park.

If you really follow the UF program you would know that Meyer is a serious upgrade from the Zooker in terms of disciplinarian. While Zook was quick to take on entire fraternities, his football team was running wild through the streets of Gainesville doing pretty much whatever they felt like. Urban's bunch have been more disciplined and better in the classroom. This UF team has the highest GPA in the history of Gator football. I know that's kind of like saying you're the tallest midget in your class, but hey it's something. In fact, over 58 players on this year;s squad have a GPA above 3.0.

It now seems that Urban Meyer is blaming the issues facing not only the UF program, but also other programs like, Penn St. Minnesota, Florida State, LSU & Mississippi St. among others on the strict restrictions that the NCAA imposes on the coaches and their staff.

The NCAA severely restricts the amount of communicae that coaches can have with potential recruits. Due to the lack of texting and one-on-one visits the coaches now are recruiting players that they know very little about. As Meyer noted in his speech, it's hard to evaluate someone's character with the minimal contact that is allowed by the NCAA. Coaches are now in a state of constant re-evaluation in regards to their own players.

Perhaps the NCAA could loosen up the restrictions just a tad. Maybe then we would have less Hornsbys, Perrillouxs & Parkers scattered around the D-1 landscape.

Gator Nation: Our love for guns and jail time....

These past few weeks have not been very good ones for my Gators. First we find out that Jamar Hornsby has been using a gas card that belongs to the dead companion of former teammate Michael Guilford, then incoming freshman Matt Patchan in shot at a Tampa area park.

What is going on?

In Patchan's defense, it seems that he was doing nothing wrong, The initial story has him as an innocent bystander that was struck by a stray bullet. The Hornsby incident is a little more troubling. Hornsby began using his brand new gas card the day after Ashley Slonina's death, and did not stop unitl he rang up an obscene amount of charges.

It's a good thing Hornsby had not been living up to his potential in Gainesville, or his departure from the team would mean a lot more. Right now all his departure means is that Cornelius Ingram will now be the only Gator wearing the number 7.

I can only hope these distractions don't catch up to the Gators on the field.